Judge — November 26, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fear’s INSPIRATION — One of Bos- worth’s young sprouts was coming home about twelve o’clock the other night on the south road, and just as he got even with the graveyard the engine went dead. But he said he got so seared when he saw where he was that he shook the car so badly the durned old Ford thought the motor was run- ning and came clear to town before it discovered its mistake.—Bosworth (Mo.) Sentinel. Too Late!—Doctor—Hang that tele- phone—I was too late! Wife—What, was the patient dead, darling? “Dead? No, he was all right again.” —London Opinion. Doctors PRoBE FOR FeEs—Dubb— Why do you always question patients so closely about what they eat? Does the information you get help you to diagnose their case? Doctor—Oh, no! But by doing so I am enabled to guess what their station in life is, and how much in fees I can probably get out of them.—Science and Invention Magazine. , L “Don’t you think I'll make her happy?” “Well, she’ll always have something to laugh at!”—London Mail. the A Cinema Idyll —Passing Show (London). Worl BRIEFLY DescriBeD—“What is ve- locity?” asks a science journal. We have always thought that it was the thing with which one lets go a wasp.— London Opinion. Bap Sign—Lady—Aren’tyou ashamed to beg? You are so ragged that I am ashamed of you myself. Hobo—Yes, it is kind of a reflection on the generosity of the neighborhood, mum.—American Legion Weekly. A VANTAGE PoINT—“Move on,” said the policeman. “I’m just watching the world go by,” said the tramp. “You can’t do that on a street corner. Get you an income and a club window.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. A Goop Carver—George Ade, from his box at the Carpentier-Dempsey fight, nodded in the direction of a beautiful young woman with very marvelous jewels. “That’s Cora de Trafford. She carved out her own fortune,” he said. “Rot!” protested a cinema producer. “That ex-chorus girl didn’t carve out her own fortune. She married Hugh de Trafford, the wild septuagenarian millionaire.” “Yes,” said Mr. Ade, “but think how many other chorus girls she had to cut out to marry him.”—Detroit Free Press, d >s Humor THE USE OF A PLATFORM—Seated in a street car, Sam and 'Rastus were talking politics. ’Rastus was a rabid partisan of the incumbent representa- tive. “Well,” said Sam, “Ah likes him all right, Ah guess, but his platform ain’t no gooc “Platfo’m!” snorted ’Rastus. fo’m! y, niggah, doan a political platfo’m is j fo’m on one of thes street cahs— hit ain’t meant to stan’ on; hit’s jes’ meant to git in on.”—The Pretzel. “Plat- 5 like a plat- THE ORIGINAL FEMININE — Adam came walking up the path with his pet dinosaurus “Hubby.” said Eve, wistfully, “shinny up that tree and get me the gold and purple leaf on the top bough.” “Eve, for heaven’s sake, away up there? Why, I’d fall and break my—” “Never mind that, Adam, you shinn I’m going over to Nod to a card party this afternoon and I’ve got to show some class to that bunch of stuck-up hens!” And so, setting the example for all time, Adam took a chance and shinnied up.—Richmond Times-Dispatch. The Driver (as he realizes at dan- gerous turn that his brakes won't act, to nervous friend)—Let’s see; you did think of bathing this morning, didn’t you?—London Opinion.