Judge — November 26, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prize Ice WATER WANTED—No, the hotel was full. The. clerk growled, when the three travel- ing-men arrived — ab-so-lute-ly chock-a-block—and it was late. “But can’t you get us a bed in some house in the neighbor- hood?” implored one. “At ten o'clock at Likely!” glared the clerk. “Everybody in this town has been in bed two hours, and I'd be, you bet, if it wasn’t for this tooth.” However, he did get for them the key of the church opposite, and presently they were all three stretched out full length in the long seats. Along about ene a.m. the church-bell began to ring furiously, and the whole town came running, led by the clerk. He was speechless. Not so the others. “Where's the fire?” the fore- most yelled, bursting into the church vestibule. “IT dunno,” drowsed the travel- ing-man in the B.V.D.’s, putting aside the bell-rope. “Send a pitcher of ice water up to pew 37."—Orson Lowell. night? Second Prize A SLIGHT MISTAKE—The foreman of a crew of negro laborers em- ployed in wrecking an old house had just hired an additional big, stout- looking negro man who had asked for a job. “Well, what’s your name?” the foreman. “Simpson,” answered the newly- hired laborer. “All right, Simpson,” directed the foreman, “go over there where that pile of old material is and carry it over to that loading platform.” Quite anxious to make good, Simp- son hustled over to the pile intent on carrying out the order of the asked All others at regular rates. boss. However, it didn’t take him but a moment to see that the pile was made up of timbers heavier than any two men could carry. Slowly he walked back to the fore- man with a puzzled look on his face, and said: “Boss, I said my name was Simpson.” “That’s all right,” said the boss, “T heard you the first time.” “IT dunno, boss, I thought maybe thought I id my name was mpson.”—D. EF. Stanton. 2k SUSPICION—Jones had the That is to say, he um- UNI umbrella habit. was seldom seen without an brella. But a man who carries an umbrella habitually wears out several, or at least puts them out of commission, with little help from rain. One day Jones, without an umbrella, was riding in the subway. As he arrived at his station he illus- trated the force of habit by picking up an umbrella the presence of which at his side he had subconsciously sensed. “That, sir, is my umbrella!” said a woman who sat next to him, and with a resentful suggestion she took it from his hand. Jones walked out embarrassed. The next morning he went to his umbrella stand for an umbrella. He found six or seven there in v. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. stages cf decrepitude, and com- plained to his wife of the fact. “Why don’t you take two or three of them with you and get them fixed?” she asked. “You must know of some umbrella hospital down- town.” “Good idea,” responded Jones, and he took the whole bunch of them, after reducing them to a bundle from which naked ribs and tatters pro- jected. It was an embarrassing load to carry, but Jones was game. He entered the subway, and bravely made his way to a seat. As he sat down he saw a significant smile on the face of a woman across the aisle who was looking at him. She was the woman brella he had picked previously. whose um- up the day WHEN MONEY WAS NEEDED—Re- cently President Harding received the commander-in-chief of the Brit- ish navy and the commanding generals of the Italian and Belgian armies. The war heroes visited the White House the same day but fif- teen minutes apart. A U. major was detailed to supervise the cavalry escorts accompanying the dis- tinguished foreigners. As the platoon with Admiral Beatty clattered away, the cavalcade guarding General Diaz approached. Two congressmen among the spec- tators drew near the major. “Where do they go from here?” one of them asked. The major consulting his memor- andum replied: “Their next calls are on the secretary of state, the secre- tary of war and the secretary of the secretary of the treasury?” the law- maker inquired. The major acknowledged a salute from the lieutenant in charge of General Diaz’s escort, and smiled as he answered, », they called on him in 1917.” comicbooks.com