Judge — November 19, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PROBLEM. “Every year now we have delivered twenty pounds of earth with every hundredweight of potatoes. If it goes on much longer we shan’t have any field left. — Meggendorfer Blaetter (Munich). Harp To PLEASE—“Say,” protested the disgusted patron, “this show is not worth two dollars.” “Didn’t you see the leading man em- brace the leading lady in the third act?” asked the manager. “Of course I did.” “Well, he squeezed her so hard he broke a rib. What do you want for two dollars?”—Birmingham Age-Herald. A PoweRFUL INCENTIVE — Kriss — How does the doctor manage to have his bills paid so promptly? Kross—He gives a prescription with every receipt as a bonus——New York un. Even Moses FaILep—‘“Some of the laws you have helped to frame have not been rigidly observed.” “I’m not complaining,” replied Sena- tor Sorghum. “Even Moses could not insure a strict enforcement of so simple and explicit a set of rules as the Ten Commandments.”—Washington Star. EAN 1 CAREFUL FATHER—Young Harold was late for Sunday school and the min- ister inquired the cause. “I was going fishing, but father wouldn’t let me,” announced the lad. “That’s the right kind of a father to have,” replied the reverend gentleman. “Did he explain the reason why he would not let you go?” “Yes, sir. He said there wasn’t bait enough for two.”—Open Road. the THE SARCASTIC FARMER—Henry Ford said at a dinner in Dearborn: “The American farmer is the most receptive man in the world if you ap- proach him with practical ideas—trac- tors, say. If you approach him with ideas of no value, he’s apt to be sarcastic. “‘Friend,’ said a college professor to a farmer one summer day, ‘what are you feeding to those hogs?’ “ ‘Corn,’ said the farmer. “*Are*you feeding the corn, friend, wet or dry?’ “Friend, friend, don’t you know that if you wet the corn the hogs will digest it in half the time?’ “The farmer laughed. “ ‘Look here,’ he said, ‘how much do you think a hoe’s time is worth?’” —Detroit Free Press. Pretty Cashier—I need a holiday. My beauty’s beginning to fade. Manager—What makes you think that? “Men are beginning to count their change.”—Passing Show (London). A New OnE, ANYHOWw—“Judge, you ought to let me off this time.” “But you acknowledge you were going fifty miles an hour.” “It was this way,. Judge. I’m an aviator and very absent-minded. I thought I was in my air bus instead of a motor car. When I glanced at the speedometer and saw I was traveling only eight miles an hour I got panic- stricken and stepped on the gas to keep from going into a tail spin.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. ONE OF THE Back Districts—‘You say he is an old-fashioned politician?” “Decidedly.” “How does he manage to hold his job in this enlightened era?” “He comes from a section where the voters are in the habit of re-electing the same man to office as long as he lives and sometimes vote for him five years after he’s dead.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. . World’s Humor Hoopooep — Visitor — Why are you here, my poor man? Prisoner—I’m a victim of dat un lucky 13, lady. “Indeed! How’s that?” “Twelve jurors and one judge.” —San Francisco Chronicle, THE CappieE’s REToRT—“How are you playing?” we asked a golfer at the club the other day. “You know me,” said the man. “My regular game—a lot of careless work, but now and then a good shot. Always there are some good shots sprinkled through the day like plums in a pud- ding.” “Gee,” said the man’s caddie. “I wouldn’t want to have to eat that kind of a pudding.”—Detroit Free Press. For His Service—A friend of the late Charles Van Loan, whose baseball stories have at least as many devotees as Ring Lardner’s, tells of Van Loan’s staggering up to the cashier’s desk in a cafeteria in which he was preparing to dine well if not wisely, and after paying the amount demanded by his check, laying down a two-bit piece on his tray. , The cashier looked at the quarter in surprise. “What’s that for?” he asked. “Tip for the waiter,” answered Van Loan, walking off with his load—and his tip.—San Francisco Chronicle. IN GENEROUS MOOD Houseowners —“‘Here is a, poor widow. We can’t find her room in our houses, but we can find her plenty of room in our hearts. So let us give three rousing cheers for her.” Pe —Hvepse (Christiania). lebooks.com asa ea eae bed eo pel