Judge — November 19, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

His Chance for Revenge HE is one of our prominent manu- facturers. The other day the traffic officer in Wyandotte stopped | him for traveling too fast in his auto- mobile. “What’s your name?” asked the officer. He told him. “How do you spell it?” He told him that, too. “Where do you live?” “Are you married?” “Have you any children?” “What are their names and ages?” “Say,” screamed the manufacturer, “what’s the sense of asking me a lot of fool questions like that?” “Well,” smiled the officer, “I ap- plied at your factory once for a job and the bird in the office asked me all those questions and a lot more. I thought they were foolish, too.” —Detroit Free Press. Too Slow A negro lad had been brought into a Virginia police court for the fifth time charged with stealing chickens. The magistrate determined to appeal to the boy’s father. “See here,” said his honor, “this boy of yours has been in this court so many times charged with chicken stealing that I am quite tired of see- ing him here.” “I don’t blame you, Jedge,” said the parent, “an’ I’s tired of seein’ him here as you is.” T O “Then, why don’t you teach him how to act? Show him the right way and he won’t be coming here.” “T has showed him de right way, said the father, “but he jest don’t seem to have no talent for learning how, Jedge; he always gets caught.” —Lawyer and Banker. ” $10 FOR THE BEST STORY Do you know a brand-new, top- notch story—if so, pass it on to JUDGE—you may win a Prize. There are many amusing stories current in speech that never have been embalmed in type. Judge proposes to gather in the best and newest stories extant for its new de- partment—‘‘STORIES TO TELL.” It is intended to have them new and original as far as publication goes. ey may be true in life, occurring in every-day happenings, where wit meets wit and comic experience is unfolded. For the best story received by this dey department. each week, JUDGE ill pay $10.00, and for the second best $5.00 will be paid. All other stories accepted and published will be paid for at regular text rates. All these little stories must be humorous. Any number may be submitted by any one contributor. No story should exceed 200 words in length—the shore the better. All should be written and carry the name A address of the sender, with postage for return in case of unavailability. Remem- ber that ie ped stories, or those already 7p blished, are not accept- able. The names of prize-winners will be attached to their contribu- tions unless a contrary wish is ex- essed. Address ‘‘Stories to Tell itor,’’ care of JUDGE, 627 West 43rd Street, New York City. The Trouble With Jones “Meet Mr. Jones,” we said, as we showed the newcomer around. “Mr. Jones and I have met before,” said the newcomer, coldly, as he turned away. Jones moved on. At the first opportunity we asked: “What’s the trouble between you and Jones?” “Trouble?” repeated the newcomer. “Why, the first day I arrived in this town, weary from travel and dying ot TELL for a drink, I asked Jones if he could recommend me to a good doctor with a big heart and prescription blank. And he sent me to an osteopath!” —Kansas City Star. Hezzy Bascom’s Luck Hezzy Bascom sez thet he caught a perch t’other day, leastways he hooked one an’ as he was a-pullin’ of him in a five-paound bass grabbed him an gut hooked. Waall, as Hezzy was a-pullin’ him in a twenty-two paound pick’rel grabbed th’ bass an’ gut hooked. Hezzy’s line was so light thet he lost all three on ’’em. He sez thet ef he’d a had a cloze line he’d a-hooked a one hundred-paound river cat an’ busted his line. He sez he hez tol’ble good bites but no luck landin’ of ’em. All he brung hum was a minnie thet wouldn’t even smell up a pan. A Good Question She had the money and he a small job. He wished to get married very badly, but she was rather undecided. One night as they sat talking about the future, he having coaxed her into _a halfway engagement, he said: “And we'll be very careful and not run into debt and have trouble as the Sissons did. We’ll always pay cash —won’t we, dear?” A suspicious look came to her face. Quickly she put forth the ques- tion, “Whose cash?”—Indianapolis News. comichooks.celu)