Judge — November 5, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

seen a railway train, an’ don’t want to—I ’ates the sight of ’em! Weekly Telegraph. NOTHING DoInc—“I hear tell that a feller driving along in an automo- bile run over your least boy, Bear- eat, in the big road tuther day?” interestedly insinuated an acquaint- ance. ‘What did you do about it?” “Well, the feller wanted me to pay him b’cuz Bearcat bit a hole in one of the tires while he was going over and over,” replied Gap Johnson of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “But I says, ‘Unh-uh! If you don’t want your tires bit you needn’t—p’tu!—run over my kids.’”"—Kansas City Star. SAFEST PLAN—“Robert! Robert! Here’s another car rounding the cor- ner. How shall I steer?” “Try to hit it, mother; try to hit it!”"—Boston Transcript. CONSOLATION—“Did you try to console the widow of the man who was killed in that automobile acci- dent.” “Yes, I told her she could remem- ber always that her husband had the right of way.”—Detroit Free Press. He Witt—“Glipping is a conserv- ative motorist.” “How so?” “He tells me he has never driven his car more than thirty miles an hour.” “He’s only had it a week. Give him another week.”—Birmingham A ge-Herald. WHat Do You MEAN, CHICKEN? —"A blonde chicken is an uncertain and confusing quantity where a brunette one is much more under- standable,” says an experienced auto- mobilist. “Whenever I see a white chicken in the distance I instantly slow down, as they always flutter around in the road, running from side to side, seem- ingly unable to determine which way to go, whereas the brunette hen calmly chooses the side of safety and slips off the right of way. “Something very characteristic in the action of these two types of bird.” —Columbus Dispatch. ALMost LuckY—“I came very near being the owner of a twin-six car to-day,” said Gelatine Travers on his arrival home last night. “How near?” inquired Mrs. Trav- ers without enthusiasm. “Well, my number was actually in the hat from which the winning number was drawn, and that’s nearer than usual,” replied her husband. —Kansas City Star. CONDENSATION—Our idea of the champion mean man is the friend who, having formed the habit of tak- ing us out to motor with himself and his wife, turns around and trades in the car for a two-passenger roadster. —Washington Post. TRAFFIC CASE—“These men were blocking traffic, Your Honor, while they had an argument.” “Were they in an altercation?” “No, Your Honor, -they were in a Ford.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. 22 PREVIOUS TRAINING—“You dis- charged your assistant?” “Yes,” said the magician. “He never had anything where I wanted it. If I started to manipulate a bowl of goldfish he’d hand me a net to catch invisible pigeons out of the air. When I announced that I would do a few card tricks he’d saunter up with a billiard cue. If I’d known he’d been a plumber’s helper I never would have hired him.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. ACCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS— “Why is it you never get to the office on time in the morning?” demanded the boss angrily. “It’s like this, boss,” explained the tardy one; “you kept telling me not to watch the clock during office kours, and I got so I didn’t watch it at home either.’—New York Sun. A SERIAL DoMEsTIC—Mrs. Uptown —This magazine looks rather the worse for wear. Mrs. Downtown—Yes, it’s the one I generally lend to the servant on Sundays. “Doesn’t she get tired of always reading the same one?” “Oh, no! You see it’s the. same book, but always a different servant.” —London Weekly Telegraph. THE PROBLEM—“Wot’s the good 0” goin’ back? We shall only have to strike again.” “Well, ’ow the ’ell are yer goin’ to strike again if yer don’t go back?”— London Mail. S Excited Servant—Oh, mum, I be- lieve the master’s ’ad a fit; he’s lying groaning the ’all, with a large box beside ’im, and a piece of paper crushed in ’is ’and. Mistress—Oh—my new hat has ar- rived at last—Pearson’s Weekly. comicbooksicom