Judge, 1921-10-22 · page 9 of 36
Judge — October 22, 1921 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page contains a humorous essay titled "Relatively Unimportant" by Warren B. Heilman, satirizing gender differences in knowledge and priorities circa the 1920s. The piece contrasts a woman's ignorance of "important" intellectual matters—Einstein's relativity, geography, astronomy, government, finance, measurements, biology, grammar—with a man's expertise in these areas. The satire's point: despite her intellectual inadequacy by contemporary standards, **she could cook, so he married her anyway**. The accompanying illustration ("Lovers' Lane—10 Years Later") shows a couple in silhouette, suggesting domestic routine has replaced romance. The "Justification" section reinforces this: Scripture permits her to trim lamps; she lacks fashion sense but possesses "physical perfection"; her poor English contrasts his seven grammars—yet she's considered "absolutely hopeless" by intellectuals. Subsequent short comedic pieces ("The Battle of New York," "One Reel Screamario," "Teacher!") continue mocking women's limitations while celebrating their domestic utility. The satire targets both gender stereotypes and intellectual pretension of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Relatively Unimportant By WARREN B. HEILMAN QHE had never heard of Einstein's theory of relativity while he de- lighted in writing voluminous essays about its opaque theories. She didn’t know whether Nevada was a state or a duke while he could recite at a moment's notice the names of the various tribes in the Philip- pines. She took no interest in whether the earth turned on its axis or the axis turned on the earth while he was so familiar with the terrestial workings that he knew just when and how long every eclipse had lasted. She was not certain whether the president appointed congress or whether congress elected the pres- ident while he was an authority on governmental procedure. She had a dim and hazy idea that the tariff had something to do with a wall while he was quoted far and wide on all matters connected with ad valorem. She didn’t understand why by just signing her name on a piece of paper she could not get all the money she wanted from the bank while he was a shark on the intricacies cf finance. She never knew whether avoirdupois was a Greek res- taurant or a disease while he had invented a new table of measurements. She couldn’t fcr the life cf her distinguish a mammal from a mallet while he knew all about the origin of man. She was absolutely Lovers’ Lane—10 years Later. 9 ignorant, of whether night followed day or day followed night while the subject of rotation was one of his pet hobbies. JUSTIFICATION She—Well, doesn’t the Scripture say “Let your lamp be trimmed and burn- ing”? She knew nothing about the finer urts of personal decoration while he the envy of every advertising tailor. She was short on stature and long on waist line while he was the acme of physical perfection. She failed to appreciate or practice the limitations of cor- rect English while he was the author of seven grammars. She was considered lutely hopeless by his high- brow friends— But— She could cook. So he married her. abso- The Battle of New York She fought with grim deter- mined zeal; She set herself against de- feat; Her teeth were clenched, her nerves were steel, She did not know the word, “retreat.” She was—well, most distinct- ly bold, inch by inch fought, and thus— By gaining ground she meant to hold— Procured a place outside the bus! And she One Reel Screamario Hubby falls off roof and breaks pint flask. Wifie dis- covers him in center of her pet flowerbed. Is wrathful. Bawls out hub. Hub promises never to take ‘nother drop! Teacher! Billy—How old is a woman it comicbooks.com