Judge — October 15, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bill has a quick ear for music. If he hears anything only once he can play it on his accordion. One Sunday as he plays the parson passes and says: “You seem content with your playing, but do you know the Ten Commandments?” “No. But if you were to whistle it I daresay I could play it.”— Kasper (Stockholm). FATHER KNows' BEst— Wife— That new nurse of ours must be a New York product. She speaks of the nursery as the “noisery.” Hub—Well, I rather think that’s the way it should be pronounced.— London Opinion. Home WorkK—Willie—Paw, what is a barnacle? Paw—A barnacle is a hobo who sleeps in barns, my son. Now, do your night work, and don’t bother me. I’m busy.—Cincinnati Enquirer. INCONSTANT MAN—Mrs. ’Awkins —They tell me your ’usband’s locked up, Mrs. ’Ope. Mrs. ’Ope—Yes, an’ there’s a wom- an in the case, Mrs. ’Awkins. “A woman?” “Yes, they say ’e is charged with Miss Demeanour!”—-Tid-Bits (Lon- don). RAN ON A STARBOARD TACK—“Why is Nitwitt always hanging around the wharves?” “He says he hopes some day to see a disabled ship ‘limp into port.’ ”’— Boston Transcript. For BorROWING REASONS.—Bacon —yYou know they say people, as a rule, hear better with the right ear than with the left. Egbert—That’s why we should try to get on the right side of people.— Yonkers Statesman. HER BATTING AVERAGE—“It is computed that the average man speaks in the course of a year 11,000,- 000 words.” “And how many words does he listen to from the average woman?” —Louisville Courier-Journal. A Bap SPELL—Mother—Well, dear, did you win the spelling match? Elsie—No, mamma, I put too many 2’s in scissors.”—Boston Tran- script. LEARNING His TRADE—‘Johnny,’ said the teacher reprovingly, “you misspelled most of the words in your composition.” “Yes’m; I’m going to be a dialect writer.’”—Washington Star. SHE Was GOING OUT, PERHAPS— Flatbush—I saw Miss Fussanfeather yesterday stop at a dry goods store in her automobile and I helped her to alight. Bensonhurst—You did? Why, I had no idea that she smoked !—Yon- kers Statesman. RATHER SKEPTICAL—‘“Pa, what is an ethnographic boundary?” “It’s an imaginary line, my son, that exists largely in the minds of idealistic statesmen, but will never figure to any great extent in either history or geography.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. STACKING THE CARDS—“The beau- tiful chorus lady who is demanding $100,000 ‘heart balm’ from a million- aire was washing dishes when inter- viewed by the gentlemen of the press.” “What about it?” “She has a smart lawyer. I sus- pect he put her up to it.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. THE JUDGE JESTS—Lawyer—What distinguishing feature was there about the watch that the accused stole from you? Witness—My sweetheart’s picture was in it. “Ah! A woman in the case.”— Boston Globe. Lo Lasok FounD—“Do you agree with the poets that love is all in all?” “No, I do not,” replied the cele- brated divorce lawyer, “but I don’t mind acknowledging that if so many people didn’t make mistakes in diag- nosing the symptoms of love, I would not be paying a large income tax.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. RETROSPECT “The first-class carriages were not so well upholstered !"—Lustige Blaetter (Berlin). 28