Judge — August 20, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Goop ExcusE—Dolly (coldly)— The next time I speak to you ina street car I’ll bet you’ll raise your hard-boiled hat. Dick—Bet I won’t—if I’m on my way to work. “Why, what’s on your mind then?” “Two sandwiches and a cut of pie!” —Buffalo Express. STANDS BY H1M—She was a sweet young bride, who had already found that what looks like a nice piece of meat in the shop often seems to have gone through a private transforma- tion scene when it arrives home. “How is it?” she inquired eagerly, when an old married friend called upon her, “that you always manage to have such delicious beef?” “It’s very simple,” replied the older woman. “I first select a good honest butcher and then I stand by him.” “Oh, I see, you give him all your trade, you mean?” said the innocent young bride. “No!” answered her companion, grimly, “I stand by him while he is cutting the meat!’—Washington Post. HE SKIPPED THE PIE—“Got any ap- ple custard?” asked the fat man at the railroad restaurant counter. “Yes, that is apple custard,” the red-headed waitress indicating the pie. “But in the part of the country lt come from apple custard has no upper crust.” “Well, that pie has no upper crust. What you see on top there is dust!” —Yonkers Statesman. PRECEDENCE—Briggs—You say the refreshments at the Ganderlys were skimpy. Why, Gorger toid me they were quite satisfactory. Griggs—Yes, he got to the supper room first.—New York Sun. PRoGRESS—“I see you have in- stalled a phonograph in your place of business.” “Yes,” said the “hot dog” dealer. “My customers are getting tony. They demand music with their meals.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. THE BOARDER’S BREAK—Mr. Thin- boarder—I must compliment you on your pie cnust. Mrs. Borden-Lodge — Are you meaning to be sarcastic? You have just eaten the paper plate that the pie came on.—Boston Globe. No Bonehead of Contention in ‘%) You SEEM SO SHY Kasper (Stockholm). SILENCE DESIRABLE—‘‘When a man is attempting to carve a duck, don't speak to him,” remarked the Ob- server of Events and Things; ‘you may drive him to say just what he is thinking, which would knock the diners off their seats in short order.” ~—Yonkers Statesman. PAGE SHERLOCK HOLMES—Cus- tomer—Waiter, I don’t understand about this trouser button being in my soup. Waiter—I don’t, either, sir. We employ only women in the kitchen here.—London Mail. LIMITED—Diner—I can manage to cut this steak, but I’m hanged if I can chew Waiter—Yes, sir. We guarantee our kniv ir, but our responsibility does not tend to our customers’ teeth.— Boston Transcript. BENEFICIARIES—“How did Mr. Grabcoin make his money?” “In various ways.” “Any of them questionable?” “T wouldn’t go so far as to say that, but if it hadn’t been for Mr. Grab- coin several prominent lawyers in our town wouldn’t be riding around in limousines.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. WHAT He Woutp Do—‘What would you do if you had a million dollars?” asks the Memphis Appeal. We'd overhaul “Restless Rebecca,” get four spare tires, stock up with delicatessen, point the radiator into the sun, throw her into high speed and chase summer weather all around the world. Then we'd turn the bal- ance of the money over to some charitable institution that has more use for money than we would have. —Buffalo News. CouLp BE WorsE—Present federal taxation plans call for an average contribution of $40 from each of the 105,000,000 persons in the United States. The per capita wealth is $56. Sixteen dollars apiece left. Oh, well, it could be worse.—Nashville Tennesseean. BIRDS OF A FEATHER—The blue- bird brings happiness, but the stork 00 tax-exemption.—Buf- falo News. “Good Night” for Both of "Em “wuss ~~ The Enthusiast—MARK MY worDs, N“. The Philistine—Nor TO-NIGHT, | HOPE HALL HEAR MORE OF THIS VIOLINIST! London Opinion. comicbooks.com