Judge — August 20, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

vate olds lam see sed ing wis- jen). HER VERSION—Sometimes in an orphanage there are happenings which combine both humor and pa- thos. The other day in a Hoosier orphanage the children were telling their ambitions. “I want to be rich when I grow up,” said one of the lit- tle girls, “so I can be like we learned ut Sunday school—a comforter to the widows and orphans.” Now little Janey’s mother had re- cently given her a stepfather who did not care for her enough to take her from the home. Soberly she said, “{ want to be rich too, and I'll givé lots to the orphans. But I’m not go- ing to bother taking care of the wid- ows. There are plenty of men who want to do that.”—Indianapolis News. HANDICAPPED FOR LIFE — The youngster was sitting on a pile of bricks at the edge of a vacant lot. At the other end of the lot was a group of boys playing as only a bunch of healthy boys can. “What’s the matter, sonny?” a pas- serby asked the lad who was sitting all alone. “Why don’t you play with the rest of the boys?” “They don’t want me to play with ’em,” he replied bitterly. “Are you sure of that?” he was asked. He nodded his head despairingly. “I BELIEVE THAT DRESSES ARE BECOMING LONGER!"” —Nebulspulter (Zurich). “What’s the trouble that the other boys don’t want to play with you,” the stranger persisted. “They found out sumpthin’ bout me,” the lad answered, trying hard to keep back the tears. “Was it something bad?” “They think so. But—but I can’t help it!” the boy defended himself. “Come on, tell me all about it,” he urged. “Maybe I can help you.” “Naw, you can’t help me none.” “Well, tell me about it anyway.” The boy hesitated for a moment, but decided to confide. “Well, mister, these fellows say I’m a sissy ’cause I’m,” and he gulped hard, “I’m twins with a girl!”—Kan- sas City Star. Something Else Again, Morerush She—On, PERCY, YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU'D FACE DEATH FOR ME! He—I WOULD, BUT THAT BALLY BULL ISN’T DEAD! -London Mail. 23 Best CLUB IN THE BAG—A golfer cropped into a New York store to buy a driver. “This club is off balance,” he re- marked to the clerk, as he jiggled a nice-looking brassie. “That is a special order club, Let me have it, please,” said the clerk nervously, piquing the curiosity of the shopper. The manager, an old friend of the golfer, happened along just then. “Bill,” asked the customer, “what the deuce is the matter with this club? Just heft the darned thing. It’s all off balance.” Bill looked wise, and he looked all around carefully, then he replied, in a stage whisper: “Pete, that is the best club in the bag. It holds just two drinks of hooch. See here, how the handle is hollowed out.” And Scotland was —New York World. vindicated. DON’T BE A BONEHEAD!—Roberts stopped in Delhart’s office and asked what about a little round of golf. “Just strikes me,” Delhart assured him. “Wait until I ‘phone the wife and we'll be off.” Delhart asked for his number and then, placing the ’phone on the edge of the desk, leaned back comfortably in his desk chair, receiver at ear. “Hello, Martha, dear. Hello— Hello! This is Dick. Yes—Dick. Did you hear that all right? You did!” Delhart moved around to a more difficult angle from the ’phone. “T called up to tell you I am going out to play some golf with Roberts. What’s that? You can’t hear a word I say? I’m going out golfing with Roberts. Hear? You don’t? I never saw such rotten service. Well, if you can’t hear me I’ll explain when I get home.” And Delhart hung up. Roberts couldn’t keep from asking questions. “Why on earth didn’t you talk into the ’phone, old man? Then your wife could have heard what you said.” “Say, you are ignorant!” laughed Delhart. “I didn’t want her to un- derstand.”—Kansas City Star. His INTEREST—Crawford—Did the minister ever give his reasons for being opposed to Sunday golf? Crabshaw—No, but I think it’s be- eause that’s the only day he can’t get out to the links."—New York Sun. comicbooks.com