Judge — August 20, 1921 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SEVERE PUNISHMENT—The Court halted the trial and said: “Let me taste that liquor.” He sipped a little of it and made a wry face. “How long have you been drinking this?” he asked the defendant. “Six months,” answered the cul- prit. “You may go,” said the Court. “Your homebrew is its own punish- ment.”—St. Louis Post Dispatch. Lost In TRANSIT—Commenting on the dry state generally prevailing, a Virginia colonel remarked: “The darkies particularly miss _ their drinks. Not long ago an old darky asked a friend to procure for him a quart of old corn moonshine from a source where he knew the ‘gittin’ was good, and bring it to him when he returned. “Time went on and neither the friend nor the quart put in an ap- pearance. Just as the darky was about to give up all hope of another toddy, he met the friend face to face on the street one day. “Whar’s dat licker?’ he asked. “Why, didn’t you git it? I sent it to you by Mr. Johnsing.’ “Den I didn’t git it. Mought as well sen’ a clover leaf by a rabbit as sen’ licker by Mr. Johnsing,’ was the reply as he walked away in disgust.” —Philadelphia Public Ledger. FURNISH YOUR OWN RHYME Old man Hubbard went to the cup- board To get a bit of a dram, But when he got there the cupboard was bare, And, of course, any fool knows what he said. —Cincinnati Enquirer. MaysBe So—“Do you think we'll ever hear from Mars?” “Not now.” “Why not now?” “We're so dry they’ll think we’re a dead planet.”—Louisville Courier- Journal. REBATE QUERY—The Magistrate— You are convicted of being drunk in the public street. You are fined ten shillings. Next time it will be thirty shillings! Prisoner—Awright, guv’nor, but will it come a bit cheaper if I takes a season ticket?—Passing Skow (Lon- don). Thieves’ Talk Profiteer (full of the burglary at his mansion)—HAVE YOU 'EARD OF MY BUR- GLARY ? The Colonel—No! BEEN ROBBING NOW? London Weekly Telegraph. WHOM HAVE YOU AFTER HIM—‘“I hear you made forty thousand dollars last year sell- ing whisky.” “Do you want me for bootlegging?” “No, I want you for not paying your income tax!”’—Louisville Cou- rier-Journal. A CHEERY DISPOSITION—“I wonder if all bootleggers are optimists.” “What put that idea into your head?” “T see where a Pennsylvania shoe- maker, who was arrested for selling whiskey, hung up a sign in the win- dow of his shop which read, ‘Back in a Minute.’”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Nothing IMPOSSIBLE—“John, John!” whis- pered Mrs. Congressman Squibbs. “Wake up! I’m sure there are rob- bers in the house.” “Robbers in the house?” he mut- tered sleepily. “Absolutely prepos- terous! There may be robbers in the senate, Mary, but not in the house. Absurd!”—American Legion Weekly. THE YELLOW STREAK—“When I arose to speak,” said the political editor, “some one hurled a_ base, cowardly egg at me that struck me in the chest.” | “What sort of egg might that be?” asked one of his hearers. “A base, cowardly egg is one that hits you and then runs,” he replied. —American Printer. AN EYE To Votes — “Senator Snortsworthy has the qualities of a statesman.” “All but one.” “And what is that?” “No matter how warm the debate grows, he never forgets that he holds an elective office.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. GETTING ANx1ous—“I want to see the Secretary of Agriculture,” hissed Congressman Wayback. “Something must be done.” “About the peach crop?” “About the plum crop.”—Louwis- ville Courier-Journal. on Him Beggar—ExcuSE ME FOR STOPPING YOU BUT I HAVE LOST A LEG. The Pig—WELL, YOU DON’T THINK I HAVE IT, DO You? —Klods Hans (Copenhagen).