Judge — August 13, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Perfect Sin-chronizing Proud Mother—CLAUDE HAS LEARNED TO PLAY THE PIANO IN NO TIME. Professor—YES, HE’S PLAYING JUST LIKE THAT NOW!—London Mail. Hab TO BE SHOWN—“Noo, tell me,” said the Scotch customer, “is this hair restorer certain tae mak hair grow on a bald heid?” “Yes, sir,” said the druggist. “It will accomplish it in twenty-four hours.” “Weel,” remarked the other, “that’s nae lang tae wait. Just rub a lettle on yer ain bald place and I’ll come in in the morning an’ see if yer spekin’ the truth.” — Pittsburg Chronicle- Telegraph. Too SHortT A TIME—Magistrate (to Scotsman chavged with assault) —The most brutal a’tack I ever heard of. I’ve a good mind to send you to prison for six months! The Prisoner—You canna dae it. I told ye, mon, I’m only down to Lon- don for the week.—Passing Show (London). WouLpNn’T Last LoNG.—A tourist in Scotland came upon a farm in a remote highland glen. “How delightful to live in this solitary spot,” he remarked to the farmer. “I’m no sae shair about that, sir,” replied the farmer. ‘Hoo wad ye like to hae to gang fifteen miles for a glass of whusky?” “Oh,” said the tourist, “but you could keep a bottle.” The farmer shook his head. “Ah, mon,” he said _ seriously, “whusky’ll no keep.”—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. ON THE SHORE—Mrs, Mac—Think shame on ye, MacPherson, wanderin’ aboot like this twa oors after yer bath! Mr, Mac—Whisht, wummun—as lang as Oh’m like this that buddy liftin’ money for the minstrels will no come near me!—Passing Show (London). KEEP MovinG—Some visitors were standing in a Glasgow street, gazing at certain points of interest. “Come now,” said a_ policeman, “move on, there. You’re blocking up the path.” “IT thought this was a free coun- try,” said one of the party. “Ay, but ye’re in the toon the noo,” replied the policeman, “and if ye’ll be wanting to be standing there, ye must be walking aboot!”—London Ideas. DELAYING ACCOMMODATION—“Ex- cuse me, sir, but could you oblige me with a match?” “Aye, but I’ll be lightin’ ma ain pipe in five meenits, if ye can wait that long.”—Passing Show (Lon- don). TH mA MN Sere 8 Not MucH DIFFERENCE—“Just back from the South Seas?” “T spent 10 years there,” said the copra king. “Do the styles in women’s clothes shock you?” “On the contrary, they seem fam- iliar.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. Too MucH To HIDE— Oscar contends That when a lady Spends $8 for a pair of hose She has a right To display At least $7.50 Worth o’ them. —-Columbus Dispatch. MASCULINE INTUITION — Women are the easiest of all God’s creatures to understand. The ’phone rings. It is our wife speaking. “Stop on your way home and bring a pint of cream.” “Yessum.” Home from the dairy with bottle in hand the missus stares at us wildly. “Well of all things! What on earth did you bring? I wanted ice cream.” —Great Bend Tribune. Most AGGRAVATING—“That French couple that have taken the flat across the hall from us are a positive torture te my wife.” “How so?” “They quarrel incessantly and she can’t understand a word they say.” —Boston Transcript. Beef and Ballast “ONLY A SINGLE SPARE TIRE! GIVE ME EIGHT WHEELS, TWO MOTORS AND THE RADIATOR MUST BE IN TRIPLICATE AS WELL AS THE FLOWER-VASES!—Le Rire (Paris). Goop Gracious, I’LL TOPPLE IT OVER! YOU MUST = eS comicbooks.com