Judge — August 13, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In Excellent Form “HAVE YOU NOTICED MY APPETITE? OF NOTHING!” “OF COURSE, IT IS STILL VERY DIFFICULT TO CONCEAL YOUR WAR PROFITS!”—Le Rire (Paris). ALL THE Symptoms — Sherlock Bones, the celebrated detective, looked at his visitor. “What can I do for you?” he asked kindly but severely. “My daughter Phyllis is worrying me. She has lately been in a highly nervous state. She throws her arms and kicks and throws back her head disdainfully. She bangs things down on the floor and shrieks and hollers— I can’t—” “Really, sir, this sounds most dis- tressingly,”” wisely remarked the great detective. “Yes,” continued the distracted father, “and that isn’t all. She cries out to imaginary people: ‘Go! Go!’ and then points to the door and cries: ‘Oh, come back! Oh, come back! I do not mean it! Mercy!’” The great detective smoked his pipe in silence for a few minutes. “And does your daughter do all this before a large mirror?” he asked at last. “Yes, come to think of it, she does.” “And does she go to the movies every evening?” “Um, yes, every night.” “Then cheer up. Your daughter is only training herself to become a movie actress. My fee is $100.” “Thank you,” said the father fer- vently, as with great pleasure he paid up.—Pittsburg Chronicle. SupPosITION—Los Angeles has had another earthquake shock. Fatty Arbuckle fell off a ladder, we suppose. —Nashville Tennessean, EVER SINCE THE WAR I’VE DEPRIVED MYSELF Usua ACCESSORIES—‘Where can I get a few venison pies?” “Dunno. What do you want them for?” “To throw, of course. to film a Shakespearean comedy. —Film Fun. We're going 7 TALENT APPRECIATED—“De Binks has just been paid the highest com- pliment ever accorded his histrionic and artistic career.” “What’s that?” “All the film reviewers wrote up his most recent impersonation as though he were a real ape.”—Film Fun. THE BALK—The only trouble with a sixty-horse-power motor is that every darned horse balks at the same time.—Camden Daily Cowrier. SUGGESTS CARELESSNESS—“Is Mrs. Gadder competent to drive her car?” “T doubt it. In fact, I have no con- fidence in a woman driver who per- sists in calling an emergency brake a ‘thingumbob.’”’—Birmingham Age- Herald. THE ARTFUL TRADER—‘Would you condescend to cheat a neighbor in a horse trade?” “No, sir,” replied Farmer Corn- tossel. “The fine work nowadays is bein’ done with flivvers, not with horses.” —Washington Star. TRAPPED—Hemmandhaw—What in the world has come over Umson? I never saw such a grouch. Shimmerpate—He has lost faith in mankind. “How is that?” “A chap picked him up in an auto- mobile on the way down town the other day—” “Yes—” “And just before they reached the business district the chap hung out a jitney sign.”—Youngstown Tele- gram, Remarked Down “GLADYS GOT THAT DRESS FOR HALF PRICE AT A SALE. “WELL, MY DEAR, AFTER ALL IT’S ONLY HALF A DRESS! 24 —London Mail. comicbooks.com