Judge — August 13, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PANTING FOR BREATH—Ex-Secre- tary Lansing said at a dinner: “Our taxes are too high. The only way to get them lowered is to pro- test against them strenuously. This is being done. “T heard a chap went to a masquer- ade ball the other night in a costume that excited a great deal of comment. He wore, in fact, a long tailed shirt, socks and shoes—but no trousers. “‘George,’ said his host, rather severely, ‘what the dickens do you represent—Venus preparing for the bath?’ “‘No,’ said George complacently. “This is an original idea of my own. I represent a taxpayer.’”—Los Angeles Times. ZERO KNOWLEDGE — The speaker was Gen. Horace Townsend. He said: “I had in Tours a French serv- ant girl who was preparing to migrate to our shores. In buying her outfit she wanted to go in heavily for furs and fur linings, but I said to her: ‘Why so many furs? It isn’t as cold as all that in the United States.” “Indeed it is then,’ said the girl, and she tossed her head. ‘You can’t fool me, monsieur le General. Isn’t it the United States that all our frozen meat comes from?’ ”—Washington Star. WHEN HE SLICED SANDWICHES— A man in a pepper and salt spring suit, with a fashionable hat set well back on his head, and a closely cropped mustache, was perched on a stool at the Union Station lunch counter. While he ate a cereal he kept up conversation with the waiter. “T used to work in this place,” said the pepper and salt spring suit. “So?” remarked the waiter in a voice that sounded as if he thought the pepper and salt suit was kidding him. “Here a long time,” continued the spring suit. “The first work I did here was to slice sandwiches. A lot cf the oldtimers used to come in here to eat. Remember Johnny Baggs?” The waiter said he had never heard of Johnny Baggs. “He was one of the old-time con- ductors on the Bee line. Of course, you are too young. That was a great old crowd. Johnny Baggs, Charley Hendrix, Bob Craig, John Harper, Lige Love, Cap Boughter, Mason A Voice in the Dark “PARDON ME, MADAM, BUT HAS THE CURTAIN GONE UP YET?”—Karikaturen (Christiania). Wells. Oh, I knew a lot of them. How do you like your job, son?” “Pretty good.” “That’s right. Always like your job. When you do that you will get along all right.” The pepper and salt suit supplied more advice, and told a lot of railroad stories. When he got up he left a substantial tip in the bowl that had contained the cereal. “Who was that guy?” asked the waiter, as the pepper and salt suit passed through the doorway. “Hum—funny you don’t know him —that’s Tom Taggart.”—Indianapo- lis News. TRUE TO NAME—Mrs. Flatbush— You remember that toy figure of a tramp you gave Bobbie on his birth- day? Mr. Flatbush—Oh, yes, dear. “Well, I’ve wound it up four times to-day, but it won’t work.” “It must be a very good imitation of a tramp, then.”—Yonkers States- man. A BROKEN ITINERARY—“I’m not a common tramp, your honor,” said the tattered individual who was charged with vagrancy. “What are you, then?” “I’m a tourist. I started out to see America.” “Your tour will be interrupted for six months. Next case.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. Direct AcTION— “Beg pardon, guv’nor,” said the tramp—a particu- larly dirty and objectionable speci- men—to a prosperous looking citizen. “Would you give 2 shillings to im- prove and beautify your town?” “What’s the idea?” was the non- committal and suspicious response. “Why, for 2 glittering shillings I’ll move on to the next village,” the ob- jectionable one explained. He got the money.—London An- swers. His Miss Step He—On, pip I STEP ON YOUR FOOT AGAIN? His Partner (resigned, but game)—I DIDN’T KNOW YOU'D BEEN OFF IT YET! —(London Mail.) 23 comicbooks.com