Judge — August 6, 1921 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

lan- jirty elled yari- ome s on they ness lits, rest, dis- vith rful and y in ra we out tch- we it a the ‘ing trol and ted ent nes, hile rdy the | to | as is- my the ‘ity est oid ned ing in ind YLIM Digest of the World’s Too BIGaMY—A man who married fourteen wives in three years proved to be a deserter from both the army and navy. A man who can accumu- late fourteen wives in that time has no business monkeying with a war, anyhow. How would he know a war when he saw one?—Los Angles Times. SPOILED BY PROSPERITY—She— When we first went to housekeeping you were glad to help wipe the dishes. He—I know, but that was when we had only two dishes to be wiped.— Boston Transcript. A QUESTION OF FREQUENCY—A Chicago woman has secured a divorce on the grounds that her husband chokes her too often. We shall as- sign the shrewdest reporter on the staff to interview the lady and ascer- tain what constitutes just often enough.— Buffalo Times. LINE FoRMS ON THE RIGHT—Just before the service the minister was called into the vestibule by a young couple, who asked that he marry them. He answered he had not time then but that if they would wait until after the sermon he would be glad to accommodate them. Accord- ingly, just before the benediction, he announced : “Will those who wish to be mar- tied to-day please come forward?” Thirteen women and one man stepped up. — American Legion Weekly. WATCHING THE Boss—Employer— Young man, it will pay you to keep your eyes open while you are in this office. Office Boy—Yes, sir; that’s just what your wife told me when she came in this morning and saw what a pretty stenographer you have.— Boston Transcript. “Goop LORD, THESE CEILINGS ARE ABOMINABLY Low!” “YES, THEY ARE MADE THAT WAY FOR GENTLEMEN WHO FORGET TO TAKE OFF THEIR HATS WHEN THEY CALL.”—Le Rire (Paris). Conversation “Jim,” she said, as he settled down for a comfortable smoke, “I’ve got a lot of things I want to talk to you about.” “Good,” said her husband, “I’m glad to hear it. Usually you want to talk to me about a lot of things you haven’t got.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. Done To a Turn “My FRIEND, IF YOU DON’T WISH TO PAY THE HIGH DUTY ON DOMESTICS, DO AS I HAVE DONE—MARRY YOUR CHAMBER- MAID.” “IMPOSSIBLE! I HAVE JUST MARRIED MY coOoK.”—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). 21 Humor Not IN VAIN—A tall, gaunt indi- vidual of the sort known in some parts of the South as “poor white trash,” was ordered by the Judge of a certain police court to stand up. “You are,” said his Honor, “ac- cused of profanity in a public place.” “T reckon I did it, Jedge,” said the cracker. “A negro was tryin’ to steal my hoss.” “But you should know better than to take the name of the Lord in vain.” “It wasn’t in vain, Jedge. You jest oughter seen that black man run!”—Philadelphia Ledger. But HE Was LocicaL—“I don’t like a friend to domineer over me,” said the young man with the patient disposition. “Who has been doing that?” “My room-mate. He borrowed my dress suit.” “That’s a good deal of liberty.” “I don’t mind it, but when he asked for my umbrella I told him I might want to use it myself. But he got it just the same.” “How?” “He simply said: ‘Have your own way; they’re your clothes that I’m trying to keep from getting spoiled, not mine.’”—Los Angeles Times. LonG DIsTANCE CALL—‘“Where is your friend, Scatterwits, going in such a hurry?” “To attend a seance given by a noted spiritualist.” “He’s crazy.” “T agree with you. He told me he had a date with Helen of Troy.—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. No Doust—“You can’t sell that man an encyclopedia.” “Why not?” “He knows it all.” “Well, he’ll enjoy going over it for errors.”—Louisville Courier Journal, comicbooks.com