Judge — July 30, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

will oked e the ; the aster icter. No Room for Competition 1 AM GOING TO GIVE YOU YOUR EIGHT DAYS’ NOTICE.” y, MapaME Urban Curiosity—Harkins, who had taken his children to a country place during the holidays, was proceeding across the fields with Louis, the youngest, when the latter saw a cow for the first time. “What is that?” asked the child. “That’s a cow, my son.” “And what are those things on her head.” “Horns.” on. Presently the cow mooed Louis was surprised. “Which horn did she blow, father?” he asked.— Harper’s Magazine. And the two then moved whereat Doing Their Best—“ Couldn’t you find any eggs, dear?” a woman asked her little city niece who was visiting her on her farm. “No, auntie,” said the child, “the hens were scratching all around as hard as they could, but they hadn’t found a single egg.” —Boston Transcript. Dressmakers’ Lingo—Mrs.’ Umson, gown designer, had sent’ her little son, Uriah, to the store. When Uriah came back: Mrs. Umson asked: “Did you get the fish?” “Yessum,” said Uriah. “What kept you so long?” “Thad to wait for the man to scrape off the sequins.” —Youngstown Telegram. Fooled Once—The Mother—Come on hin an’ wash yerself. You knows it’s Sunday, an’ yer Uncle Halbert’s a-comin’. Young Hopeful—Garn! I was ’ad like that last Sunday, an’ ’ee never come!— London Weekly Telegraph. The Only Lack—Mother—Well, Nellie, is your doll kitchen completely furnished now? Nellie—No, mama, I still need a police- man for the cook.—Boston Transcript. Obeying the Sign—“Did you deliver my message to Mr. Smith, Tommy?” asked the manager of the new office boy. “No sir” replied Tommy. “He was out and his office was locked up.” “Why didn’t you wait for him as I told you todo?” “There was a notice on the door, sir, saying, ‘Return immediately,’ so I came back here as quickly as I could, sir.”— Boston Globe. Read His Mind—Ambassador Jean Jules Jusserand, for the last twenty years the representative of France in the United States, has a sense of humor that is a con- stant delight to Washington. What is probably his prize quip was made some years ago, when the public was engaged in laughing a ridiculous statue out of the Capitol grounds. This statue was of George Washington. It represented the father of his country sitting, entirely nude, amid the snows and wintry blasts of Capi- tol hill, one finger raised solemnly above his head. “I know just what he is saying,” M. Jusserand opined. “He is saying: ‘My soul is in heaven and my clothes are in the National museum.’”—Philadelphia Eve- ning Ledger. The Modern Standard—“ Some of us,” said Bishop Mitchell at a St. Paul mission- ary meeting, “are prone to judge every- thing by the money standard. A book is no good unless it’s a best seller. An artist is no good unless he’s getting rich. When we judge things that way we’re as badas little Samuel. Little Samuel went out one day to buy his brother a birthday present. He bought a jar of goldfish. ‘Gold-fish! Don’t it sound rich?’ he said to his father on his return. And he carried the goldfish gayly upstairs to his room. But a half-hour later he rushed down to his father again. ‘Father,’ he groaned, ‘we've been stung. Them ain’t gold. They wouldn’t stand the acid.’”—Wash- ington Star. Leaving Trousers Out of It The Orator—W ork, MY FRIENDS, IS THE LOT OF MAN! Man WAS SENT INTO THIS WORLD TO EARN HIS LIVING BY THE SWEAT OF HIS BROW. You DIDN’T FIND ADAM WALKING ABOUT THE GARDEN OF EpEN WITH HIS HANDS IN HIS PocKETS!—Passing Show (London.)