Judge — July 30, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uis- not 2S as last got sted issic 1 as nple [ex- are ear yan ade bly nim ino XUM Too Late Then—“All through my trial you kept saying, ‘Your honor, I ob- ject,’” snarled the convicted crook. “So I did, so I did,” replied his lawyer, soothingly. “When the judge sent me up for 10 years, why in Sam Hill didn’t you object to that?” —Birmingham A ge-Herald. The Extent of His Knowledge—The prosecuting attorney had encountered a somewhat difficult witness. Finally he asked the man if he was acquainted with any of the men on the jury. “Yes, sir,’’ announced the witness; “more than half of them.” “Are you willing to swear that you know more than half of them?” demanded the lawyer. “Why, if it comes to that, I’m willing to swear that I know more than all of them put together.” —Sing Sing Bulletin. It All Depended—A lawyer was cross- examining an old foreigner about the posi- tion of the doors, windows, and so forth, in a house in which a certain transaction had occurred. “And now,” said the lawyer, “will you be good enough to tell the court how the stairs run?” The foreigner thought for a minute. “How the stairs run?” he queried at length. “Yes,” the stairs run? enough.” “Vell, sir,” answered the witness, “ven I am oop ze stairs they run down, and ven I am down ze stairs they run oop.” — Hous- ton Post. repeated the lawyer, “how do My words are simple Uplift and Income NOW THEY ARE GOING TO PUT A TAX ER ELEVATORS” iwea! THAT WILL MAKE ’EM GO UP MORE QuickLy.”—Le Rire (Paris.) Hopeless Pessimism “T’vE AD ’ER VACCINATED AND ’IVE’AD ’ER CONFIRMED, BUT NOTHIN’ DON’T SEEM TO CHEER ’ER up!”—London Tatler. Fined Him Anyhow—A judge had de- clared that he would stop the carrying of firearms in the streets of a Western town. Before him appeared a tough youth charged with getting drunk and firing his revolver in the crowded streets. “Ten dollars and costs,” judge. “But, your honor,” interposed the counsel for the defense, “my client didn’t hit anybody.” “But he admits he fired the gun.” “Yes, but he fired into the air,” plained the lawyer. “Ten dollars and costs,” repeated the judge. “He might have hit an angel.” — Pittsburg Times-Gazette. said the ex- Befogging the Jury—“Smart lawyer you have.” “He seems to be,” said Mr. Cobbles, “but I don’t know whether he’s the man to help me win my lawsuit or not.” “What’s the matter with him?” “Oh, he’s powerful sharp, but I don’t see any use of quoting famous Greeks and Romans and a lot of other people I never heard of before simply because a train ran over my Jersey cow.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. 23 Wise Dad—“If you will make the boy wear his hair long, I at least insist on get- ting him boxing lessons.” “Why so?” “A kid with long hair has got to know how to fight.” —Louisville Courier- Journal. Apprehensive—“Our new still photo- graphic department is equipped to turn out ten thousand stills a day. What do you think of that?” boasted the studio man- ager. “T think,” replied his friend, Bibbler, dreamily, “that before the day is over you'll have trouble with the prohibition en- forcement officers.” —Film Fun. The Idea!—“This motion-picture pro- ducer has a worried look.” “And well he may have!” “How so?” “His most beautiful bathing girl has suddenly become ambitious. She wants to wear clothes and act.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. comicbooks.com