Judge — July 23, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

L1J uny- 1 he nat- had the him fork - the ton 1 on 1 to and pew. True Man of Science—“How many degrees has Professor Doppel, the cele- brated entomologist?” “T don’t know, and he doesn’t know, either. Professor Doppel doesn’t get half as much excited when an honorary degree is conferred on him as he does when a colleague of his reports by cable from Bombay, Cape Town or Honolulu that he has discovered a new bug.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Like the Dodo—“ Yes,” remarked the highbrow caller, “I rather pride myself on the discovery of another hypothesis.” “Indeed! ’ returned Mrs. Newrich, a little doubtfully. “I had an idea they were quite extinct.”—Boston Transcript. Disillusioned—Professor Dink Beeson says that we naturally associate big words and big things, and big actions with big men, and he was quite surprised when first he learned that an ornitheoryncus was really no larger than a chipmunk, and that the egisotherius of prehistoric times was no larger than a mouse. Again he was disappointed when he learned that Watterson and Longfellow were both small men. It just seemed im- possible to associate the former’s editorials afd the latter’s whiskers with a height of less than six-feet-six.—Los Angeles Times. Relativity Explained — Recent re- searches along Broadway as to “rela- tivity” have developed the following proofs of Einstein’s theory. Wink your eye. remains. Snap your fingers. fingers smart. Close yourhand. You havea fist. Open it. Fist gone. Sit down. You form a lap. lap disappears. Make a noise. The sound travels. The noisemaker remains and is generally cha acterized by law as a nuisance. Look and you see something. Close your eyes and all becomes dark. Blow out the light and it’s gone. Where? Ah! That’s it— New York World. Wink goes, but eye Snap goes. Your Stand up, Reasonable Supposition—“ Where has that savant been tarrying so long?” “He has been doing some excavation work on the site of a buried city.” “Did he make any interesting discover- ies?” “Well, he found a thermos bottle and an electric flashlight. I suppose some other scientists must have preceded him.” “It’s quite likely. The thermos bottle and the electric torch do not, I believe, date back to the antediluvian era.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. Only an Adventitious Aid Movie Star—Wuat BEASTLY SOAP THIS IS. WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GET New Maid—Wuy, mavame, I BouGHT SOME BECAUSE I SAW AN ADVERTISEMENT IN WHICH YOU SAID YOU WERE NEVER HAPPY wiTHoUT IT!—London Mail. The Exact Words—Professor—So, sir, you said that I was a learned jackass, did you? Freshie—No, sir, I merely remarke t you were a burro of information —BoSton Transcript. So to Speak—“Sedentary work,” said the college lecturer, “tends to lessen the endurance.” “Tn other words,” butted in the smart student, “the more one sits, the less one can stand.” “Exactly,” retorted the lecturer, “and if one lies a great deal, one’s standing is lost completely.” —Journal of the American Medical Association. “ Rock-Bottom Facts “WHAT IS THAT LIGHT FOR?” “To PREVENT PEOPLE FROM FALLING OVER THOSE STONES!” “AND WHAT ARE THE STONES FOR?” “To HOLD THE LIGHT uP!”—Karikaturen (Christiania.) 23 Good Reason for It—Autlo Tourist— Ha, road fixed at last, eh? What was the cause of it? Farmer (at roadside)—The commissioner of roads had a breakdown here several weeks ago.— Houston Post. Safety First—“What’s the first thing to do when you buy a new car?” “The first thing I do is to hide the tool kit so the neighborhood engineering ex- perts can’t get at it.”—Louisville Courier- Journal. Also—“ Curves make woman angelic,” says an enthusiast. They also make angels of speeders.—Baltimore Sun. Progress—“I came very near being the owner of a twin-six car today,” said Gela- tine Travers on his arrival home last night. “How near?” inquired Mrs. Travers without enthusiasm. “Well, my number was actually in the hat from which the winning number was drawn, and that’s nearer than usual,” re- plied her husband.— Kansas City Star. Might Understand—“ You don’t deny that you were exceeding the speed limit?” “No, your honor.” “Have you a valid excuse to offer?” “Not a valid one, I’m afraid,” replied the motorist, dreamily, “but you ought to see the girl who asked me to ‘step on the gas.’”—Birmingham Age- Herald. comicbooks.com