Judge — July 23, 1921 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In the Know—The composer appeared in the office of the publisher one morning, and with calm assurance returned a check for $200. “You can destroy that,” he told the publisher, “‘and make out one to my credit for $500.”" “Nonsense,” came the reply. ‘“‘That’s your royalty to date for your last song.” “Oh, no, it isn’t,” said the composer. “Do you mean to insinuate that the firm is——” “T insinuate nothing. I make the sim- ple statement that I want $500 in royalties. For the first time in my life I can be positive as to the amount. I married your book- keeper yesterday.”— Houston Post. Unimpressive—The story of an at- tempt to swindle an intended victim out of the ridiculous sum of $45,000 gets into the papers. This, as far as we have ob- served, is the first time the newspapers have mentioned so small a sum since 1914. —Philadelphia Public Ledger. Gifted Entertainer—“ Do you remem- ber Glipping of the class of ‘naughty- naught’?”’ “Quite well. He was the only man in our class who could wiggle his ears.” “Yes. He made millions in the steel business and vaudeville lost a great artist.” —Birmingham A ge- Herald. The Critic—So your PEOPLE GAVE $2,500 FOR 1T?_ To SHOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE FOR ART, EH? The Other—No, TO sHow HOW LITTLE WE CARE FOR $2,500.—London Mail. Quite the Limit—Clicker—He’s an ec- centric individual, isn’t he? Jacker—Rather; expects me to pay him what I owe him no matter how I raise the money— New York Sun. Cash Registering Conflict—Ourgrand- children will have reason to wish that wars had been run on a cash basis.—Baltimore Sun. His Kind of Game LONG TIME SINCE I saw You LAST, PORT? NTERESTED IN SPORT? He—Exrort!—Kasper (Stockholm). Thought It a Joke—When Prof, Walter Raleigh was asked to lecture at Princeton College, Professor Root went down to the station to meet the distin- guished visitor. Professor Root did not know Professor Raleigh, but walking up to a man who he thought looked like him, he said: “I beg your pardon, but am I ad- dressing Walter Raleigh?” The man looked at him a moment, and, thinking he must be mad, replied: “No, I am Chris- topher Columbus. Walter Raleigh is in the smoking-room with Queen Elizabeth.” —National Republican. Sufficiently Avenged—When George Ade and Ort Wells went around the world together, a steamship agent at Rangoon “done ’em dirt.” They had paid extra fare on a stateroom to hold it all the way from Calcutta to Singapore, but the British agent at Rangoon crowded another pas- senger into their cubby-hole. Clear up to the middle of sailing, they fussed with the agent, but he was a snarl- ing, sallowed wreck of human kind, and they were in a strange land; ’twasn’t any use. It was a desperately hot morning and the agent was the only white man in sight. Just before the gang-plank was pulled: in, Wells walked over to the agent and said: “You have played us a contemptible trick, but we are going to get even with you.” “Oh, you are, are you?” says he. “I should jolly well like to know how you intend to get even.” “Well,” replied Wells, solemnly, “we are about to leave this place and you have to stay here.” All the way out of the harbor they could see him still standing there trying to figure it out.— Kansas City Star. As Represented—It is doubtful if any- one ever saw Chauncey Depew when he was not equal to the occasion, and no mat- ter how peeved he might be, he always had the faculty of seeing the funny side of the situation. Not the least amusing story told of him was a visit to a certain popular New York State country resort where nothing but the best in meat and vegetables, raised right on the place, were supposed to be placed on the table. Something about the meat seemed to throw Depew into a reminiscent mood and finally he asked: “What did you say this meat was?” “Spring lamb,’ the prompt and almost challenging reply. “I believe you,” answered Depew. “T’ve been chewing on one of the springs for an hour.”—Los Angeles Times.