Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Mild Tooter—‘“ Dick” Aubrey’s lat- est is a Swede story he picked up while traveling in Wisconsin. Ole Ander, a yokel, visiting in town one day, asked a restaurant propiietor: “Got any squirrel whisky?” “No,” said the restaurant man, “but I can slip you a little Old Crow.” “Aye don’t vant to fly,” said the Swede, “aye just vant to yump around a little bit.” —Youngstown Telegram. The New Meaning—“Paw, I don’t understand this story I’m reading. What t by ‘The abode of spirits?’”” he hip pocket, my son.’ Tennesseean. ism ? a Nashville The Test—“ How do you get along with Mr. Grumpson?” “Well, I’ve been acquainted with him for some time, but I don’t know yet whether he is a superficial grouch or a con- firmed misanthrope.” “How do you propose to find out?” “T’ve invited him to join me in a game of golf with nothing in my locker.”—Bir- mingham Age- Herald. Horrified—‘ You are pale. Is the boot- legger on trial a friend of yours?” No; but just listen to that chemist tes- tifying about the horrible ingredients. I’ve got some of the same stuff.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Sahara — First Clubman — After all, there’s no place like home. Second Clubman—Perhaps you're right —this club life has got dry.—Detroit News. The Seat of Sorrow “Mayse, BUT NOT IN THE SAME PLACE.”—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). A Bolt from the Blooey “Hy, THERE! My norsE HAs BOLTED! Stop YouR MOTOR “T can’t! My car as Bottep!”—Kasper (Stockholm). As Times Change—“ The old drinking customs have passed away.” “They have,” agreed Uncle Bill Bottle- top. “Instead of taking water on the side a man now calls for an antidote.” —Wash- ington Star. Evasive—“Tell me, old thing,” asked a friend of the great}English novelist, “did you run across any pro- hibitionists in America?” “T tried to, but they dodged,” answered the Chesterton, as he stepped on the gas.—Barber County (Kan.) Index. Got Acquainted—“ Having any success with your garden?” “The best ever,” replied Mr. Jagsby. “What are you raising?” “Nothing. But if I hadn’t had a row with one of my new neigh- bors over his chickens and then areconciliation I might not have discovered that he has a well stocked cellar.”"—Birmingham Age- Herald. Not Unexpected—“ His death was sudden and _ unexpected, wasn’t it?” “It wassudden, but wecan’t say thatit was unexpected afterhe told us that he was making whisky for his own use.””—Deiroit Free Press. 23 Nature Is so Crude!—Mrs. Newrich (critically)—Who ever saw trees look like them? They don’t look natural at all. Dauber (loftily)—Madam, this ‘s not nature—it is art—Boston Transcript. Already Done.—“I really must paint this lovely landscape!” “Don’t trouble—the billboard people have beaten you to it.” — New York Sun. Easily Arranged—‘This illustration won’t do,” said the novelist. “Why not?” asked the artist. “You’ve drawn my heroine on horse- back. She’s an invalid and that’s what makes the book so confounded pathetic.” “Well, let this picture represent her as she was before she lost her health.”—Bir- mingham Age- Herald. Why It Is Necessary—‘“ Why is scan- tiness of attire considered so necessary in ‘ou see,” replied the eminent sculptor, “it takes a long time to make a statue and we couldn’t afford to have it left on your hands because the clothes were out of style.”—Washington Star. comicbooks.com