Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hopeless—He—So your father and mother both object to me. Can’t they be won over? She—I'm afraid not. It’s the only thing they have agreed on in years.—Boston Transcript. Easy to Do— He—Will you marry me? She—Do you think you could keep me in clothes? He—Well, partly in. You wouldn’t want to dress out of style, would you?— St. Paul Dispatch. A Tightwad—“TI fear I have made a mistake.” “Why, dear?” “Fred proposed in a taxi, and the minute I accepted him he paid the bill and we got out and walked.”—Boston Transcript. Honest Tom—“I’m glad I broke my engagement with Tom,” Mabel observed indignantly. ‘“He’s no gentleman.” “Why, I have always thought him one,” Tess commented in surprise. “What has he done?” “Well, I sent him back his presents— that is, all except the diamond ring and a few other things that I was really entitled to, considering how many times he had taken dinner at our house and all, and asked him to return mine.” “Well, did he refuse?” “He did not. He not only sent back a box of cigars, unopened, and a penwiper and a knit necktie, but he sent also five boxes of face powder, saying he estimated that to be about the quantity he had taken away on his coat during the time we were engaged.”— Houston Post. Her Choice—Mr. Baggs—I hear you have got engaged to my son, Miss Smythe. I think you might have seen me first. His Stenographer—I did. But I pre- ferred Harold!— Kansas City Star. Too Dangerous to Risk “PUT THESE FLOWERS ON YOUR TABLE AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL THINK HE IS IN ITALY!” “T’p RATHER NoT! WE ARE GOING THERE TOMORROW —Lustige Blaetter (Berlin). 2 Submerging Silence “T SHOULD LIKE TO TAKE THE ROOM You HAVE TO LET, BUT I NOTICE THAT YOU HAVE A VERY YOUNG CHILD. Its cRYING woULD PROBABLY DISTURB ME AT MY WORK AND STUDIES.” “Ou, Not at att, sir! Every TIME THE CHILD BEGINS TO CRY, MY DAUGHTER SITS DOWN AND DROWNS THE NOISE ON THE PIANO.” —Klods Hans (Copenhagen). Human Nature—People who complain the home paper has no news get all het up if it isn’t delivered to them right on the min- ute every time.—Flint Journal. The Ego in Verse—“I have a little something here in the way of a poem,” began the caller, apologetically. “T'll look over it,” said the editor. “Much obliged, I’m sure.” “Tt’s always a pleasure to meet an am- ateur bard who doesn’t imagine he’s crowding Keats, Swinburne and Shelley.” —Birmingham Age- Herald. Enterprise—We live in a fast age and the journalist of the present day must be up and doing. Jones took a little daily that was published in his home town, and the editor thereof prided himself on the tel- egraph news which the paper carried. But it has been often and truthfully said that “Murder will out.” Jones picked up the little daily one evening and was somewhat surprised at this announcement on the front page: “The Bulletin contains no telegraph news today, owing to the care- lessness of the express company.”— Kansas City Star. Militant Journalism—“How many papers in this town?” asked the stranget in Chiggersville. “One.” “But I understood there were two— the Clarion and the Times.” “Sir, I am the editor of the Clarion. I never have recognized and never will recognize the existence of a competitor.”— Birmingham Age- Herald. golf min H legg tify’ got Cow