Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Variant in the Vernacular Modern Child—Mumane, can I TRanstate “Recarvez, Monsteur” with “Look HERE, OLD Guy" ?—(London Bystander). Picture Stuff—The film business is developing a slang all its own. A salesman approached an exhibitor in a small town near here the other day and proposed a private screening. “How many spools?” asked the exhibitor. “Seven,” the salesman replied. “All right, squirt it.”—Youngstown Telegram. How to Tell the Truth—Speaking of moving-picture actors, a good story is told of one who was suing a company for breach of contract. When asked by the court why he claimed so large a sum he replied, “It is because I am the greatest actor in the world.” A few days later some of his friends badgered him about the mighty high opinion of himself expressed in the state- ment. “I know it must have sounded somewhat conceited,” he explained, “but I was under oath, so what could I do?” —Boston Transcript. Priceless Possessions—“His face is making him a fortune.” “Ts he so handsome as that?” “No. He has the only comedy set of whiskers in screendom long enough to trip over.”—Film Fun. Strategy—“You say this bank was robbed in broad daylight and nobody in- terfered?” “Exactly.” “How did that happen?” “One of the robbers set up a motion-pic- ture camera on the sidewalk, without any film in it, and briskly turned the crank while his pals brought out the loot.”— Birmingham Age- Herald. Atavistic Influence—Mr. Van Gelt— What’s the matter with the new butler? He seems very nervous about something. Mrs. Van Gelt—He used to be a movie actor, and he just found out that we are to have custard pie for dessert.—Film Fun. Equally Rich.—‘‘So this is Hollywood?” “Yes.” “And I suppose all these handsome residences and grounds belong to motion- picture stars?” “All but that imposing mansion on the corner there. It belongs to a celebrated divorce lawyer.”—Birmingham —Age- Herald. Sunken Treasure “FoR TWENTY YEARS MY BROTHER SUB- SCRIBED TO A CREMATION SOCIETY, AND NOW HE HAS BEEN DROWNED!” —Lustige Blaetter (Ber- lin). a MATRIMONY eee Age-Old Philosophy — Cunningham Graham, the famous traveler, said one day at the Knickerbocker club: “T am a bachelor, and I find that even among the most backward and savage people bachelorhood is looked on as a sign of wisdom. “Once in Tartary a chieftain asked me if Thad a wife. “No, exalted one,’ I answered. ‘I ama bachelor.’ “The chieftain gave an approving nod. Then he said thoughtfully: “*As our Tartar proverb has it: “While the wise man is thinking about getting married the fool has his sixth daughter born to him.’”—Los Angeles Times. He Surely Has!—A Japanesewith a wife and nine children has entered Cornell as a freshman. He has had his hazing— Bismarck Tribune. Marrying a Privilege—The Ex-Widow —But, if you didn’t love me, why did you marry me? Her Latest Husband—Madam, I married you solely for the privilege of spanking those brats of yours.—Boston Globe. But—A man can sleep peacefully when his wife groans. But he gets terribly worried when his automobile engine squeaks.—Cincinnati Engineer. Still—Where Would You Be Now? —‘ Agnes, remember, you are not to marry the first fellow you meet; un’stand?” “Yes, papa; but——” “No buts about it, Aggie; Eve done it, and look at the mess they made of things!” —Richmond Times-Dispatch. Seeking a Paragon—“ Here's an adver- tisement for a wife.” “She must be young, rich and beauti- ful, I suppose?” “No, but the requirements are almost as hard to meet. The advertiser specifies that she must be ‘under 40, immune from the movies and house-broken.’”—Birmingham Age- Herald. He Knew—“ Your honor, this lady mar- ried a man to reform him. “Divorce granted,” said the judge briefly. “Never mind about the details.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Attention, Ye Bridegrooms!—“ Just what is the difference between a henpecked husband and the other kind of husband?” asked the Bachelor. “Well,” explained the Benedick, “the henpecked husband gives in to his wife right away, but the other kind of husband doesn’t give in until the next day.”—Cin- cinnati: Enquirer. “Tf n