Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TE ve er, he mn. XUM Better Authority—‘“It was Shakes- peare, wasn’t it, who said ‘Sweet are the uses of adversity’? ” “Shakespeare may have said it origi- nally, but I heard it from a lawyer who had pocketed 65 per cent. of an estate.” --Boston Transcript. Most Important—“ Are all the wit- nesses present who are to testify in this ‘y one.” “Who’s the fellow with the squint?” “He’s our keyhole witness.””—Birming- ham A ge- Herald. A Gentleman Wanted—Mr. Bully was cross-examining a downtrodden witness. “Now, sir,” he thundered, “you have stated under oath that this man had the ap- pearance of a gentleman! Please tell the jury how a gentleman looks—in your esti- mation!” “Well—er—a gentleman looks like er—a stammered the poor confused er. witness. With unmerciful sarcasm the counsel plunged to the attack again. “T don’t want any of your ‘ers,’ and re- member you are on oath! Can you see anybody in the court who looks like a gen- tleman?” The witness’s eyes for the first time showed anger, and he blared out: “Stand out of the w: nd then perhaps Ican. You're not transparent! ”— Kan- sas City Star. A Poser—During the cross-examination of a witness in a case tried in an Iowa court, the examining lawyer demanded, rather pompously : “No ir, did you or did you not, on y in question or at any other time, say to the defendant or any one else that the statement imputed to you and denied by the plaintiff was a matter of no mo- ment or otherwise? Answer me, yes or no.”” The witness seemed bewildered. “ Yes or no what?” he finally managed to gasp out.— Philadelphia Public Ledger. Digest *of the World’s Humor Obliging Him—“ Your honor, I’m not a hardened criminal.” “No?” “Why there’s nothing I enjoy more than a good book.” “All right. I'll give you 10 years to catch up with your reading.”—Birming- ham Age- Herald. Trying Pidgin English —There was a prominent lawyer in San Francisco who prided himself on his astuteness in ques- tioning Chinese witnesses. He was very near-sighted, however, and on one occasion got into difficulty through failing to notice that the dress of a certain Chinese witness was of finer texture than that worn by the ordinary coolie. The following dialogue ensued. “What is your name?” “Sell Lung.” “Do you live in San Francisco?” “Yes.” “Do you savvy God?” “Mr. Attorney, if you mean to ask whe- ther I comprehend the entity of our Crea- tor, I will merely reply that on next Thurs- day evening I shall address the State Min- isterial Association upon the subject of ‘The Divinity of Christ,’ and I shall be pleased if you will attend.” To the day of his death the celebrated lawyer will never escape the question, “ You savvy God? ”— Case and Comment. Social Histrionics “WHOSE WAS THE BEST ACTING AT THE AMATEUR THEATRICALS?” “MINE, PRETENDING TO ENJOY THE PER- FoRMANCE!”—London Mail. 21 Junk!—A Scotsman, anxious as usual to “make a bit,” hit upon the idea of collect- ing old tin cans and pieces of scrap iron. Having accumulated a good collection he sent them to a local junk store. Somehow or other, however, they went astray and were delivered to the wrong place. Imagine his surprise the next morning when he received the following letter from a garage: “Dear Sir: Your motor car to hand. We have never seen a worse smash, but we will do our best to put it together again. We send you herewith an estimate for the cost of repair and approximate date of delivery.” — Houston Post. Job’s Reputation Busted—“ Patient, isn’t he?” “Very. I think he could even teach his own wife to drive the car without losing his temper.”—Detroit Free Press. Accommodating—The Motorist—Say, friend, my engine’s stalled. Think you can help me find out what’s the matter with it? Constable Talltimber—I can, but I won’t just now. I can’t pinch you for speedin’, but in ten minutes I’ll fix up your engine, an’ then pinch you for parkin’ here too long.—Boston Globe. Telepathy—‘“I daresay you are on the point of telling me where to go,” remarked the motorist who had smashed a fender on the car of another motorist. “That isn’t necessary now,” replied the second motorist. “I see you have already guessed it.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. A Humble Suppliant—“ Somebody is ringing the front door bell.” “Must be a collector or a pedler.” “What makes you think so?” “If it was anyone I know or wanted to see he wouldn’t ring the bell; he’d just sit out in his car and honk his horn.””—Detroit Free Press. co comicbooks.com