Judge — July 9, 1921 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ait race- -sense anada a doc- ng to zy. A yn the ng its ibited lergy- tioned on of omist moon- irping have le we seen n the ‘d the y and ts are Is the ‘thing pack- esome ys of from exhil- drop expe- where busi- envy each es are for ‘ine, thing Digest More Than One Way—The captain of a ship had some Scotch in his cabin and wanted to transfer it to a thirsty family in the best part of this city, but customs offi- cers barred the way. Then a taxi was backed up against the wharf. The steward received orders from the bridge to produce the ship’s cat in a sack. The old man hadn’t got off the gang plank before he was pounced upon by a customs man. “Wotcha got in that sack?” he asked. “A cat,” was the reply. “Let’s have a look at it,” persisted the law. The bag was opened and out hopped Thomas and scuttled back aboard. The captain chased after it. Presently he appeared with the sack. “Didya get him?” asked the customs man. “T sure did and he won’t get away again,” was the reply. “Sorry to give you all that trouble, cap- tain, but duty is duty, sir.” “Don’t mention it; I admire you for it. What the service wants is more men like you,” said the skipper, as he climbed aboard the taxi with his sack, which this time, instead of a cat, contained three bot- tles of Scotch— New York World. Paying Up—“A great many of my patients are paying up.” “To what do you attribute that, doc- tor?” “T suppose they think they can work me for liquor prescriptions.” — Louisville Courier-Journal. Promise of Cheer—“Did you ever have a sinking feeling when you knocked at a door marked, ‘private’?” “T used to when I was a younger man,” said Mr. Jagsby, “but not now.” “No?” “Nowadays most of the downtown hos- pitality is dispensed in private offices.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. “Hun, DON’T SPEAK OF MONEY—IT ISN’T WORTH ANYTHING NOWADAYS.” “WELL—THEN, PERHAPS YOU WILL LEND ME A THOUSAND.” —Kasper (Stockholm). Influence of Home Brew—“ Crimson Gulch seems to have become strangely sedate,’ remarked the visitor. “Yep,” replied Cactns Joe; “all the boys have taken a notion to get married and settle down. Instead of squandering money they’re savin’ it up to buy yeast and raisins and such.”—Washington Star. Scotch Thrift Through a Tube Macpherson (on his way through London)— I'VE ONLY AN ’OOR TO SPARE, AN’ AS I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LONDON BEFORE, WHAT D’YE SAY TO A RUN ROON THE TOON ON A ‘BUS? McTavish—An ‘oor, p’'¥E say?) We’LL NAE MANAGE IT IN THE TIME ON A’BUS. WE'D BEST TAKE THE Unpercrounp!—Passing Show (London). 21 of the World’s Humor Ancient Inquiry—“We are still seek- ing,” said the scientist, “to ascertain the exact purpose for which the pyramids of Egypt were constructed.” “Yes,” replied Senator Sorghum, absent- mindedly. “Some of these investigations do take a long time.” —Washington Star. Optimism of Candidates—“How’s Sam Twobble getting along in his race for constable?” “He’s greatly encouraged.” “Yes.” “Three citizens accepted cigars this morning and assured him of their support. Sam’s predicting a groundswell.”—Bir- mingham Age- Herald. Tact Necessary—Another thing Col. Harvey should avoid, if possible, in his new réle of diplomat is making any: comment on Queen Mary’s hat.—Ohio State Journal. All Aboveboard—They say a woman cannot keep a secret. That’s why I believe in having women in politics. I’m in favor of pitiless publicity. —Toronto Telegram. Help Yourself—Out in Iowa they have adopted the cafeteria style of feeding the hogs, and it is an improvement over the style practiced by man. No self-respect- ing politician believes this country will be what it ought to be until the offices are disposed of in the same way.— Nashville Tennesseean. In Low Spirits—“ You have a woman mayor here?” “Yes. She’s just been elected and her husband is about the uneasiest man in town.” “Why so?” “He’s told several of his friends con- fidentially that if his wife still has the same opinion of him she had before the election he’s slated for the job of dog catcher,”— Birmingham Age- Herald,