Judge — July 9, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Some Weird Fables By Joun H. McNeety ONCE upon a time there was a man, who went into a res- taurant and made a selection from the menu and then after- wards did not see something on it that he wished he had ordered. ee ee Once upon a time there was a baggage- master at a railroad station, who on several occasions was known to hurry when a passenger asked him to check his trunk in time to catch a train. +e ee Once upon a time there was a family, who bought a cottage at a summer resort and spent their summers there regularly instead of renting it out and never return- ing after the first season. Mrs. Homebody’s Questionnaire RS. HOMEBODY does not have much time to read up on politics and the news of the day, but she had imbibed some of the Edison exposé’s of ignorance, and having sacrificed some- what to send her brood through college, became rather peeved over the matter. She has therefore a questionnaire of her own for Mr. Edison and wonders if he will pass X Y Z. Her questions read: 1. What is a gusset? 2. What is a gore? 3- What do you do to Sunday’s roast beef to make it do for Monday night? 4. How can you keep the washing machine from denuding the clothes of buttons? 5. How can you reconcile Children’s desires for luxuries with husband’s allow- ance for the table? 6. What is a fell? 7. Name ten ways of cooking left-over potatoes. 8. What is the best method of making boys practice on the violin in baseball season? 9. Why do most men think they know it all? Drawn by J. K. Bryans Shooting the Shoots It was after the colored soldiers had finished firing at the rifle range that the company commander sent in to head- quarters the following list: Expert Riflemen Sharpshooters Crapshooters “WHAT'S THE SCANDAL AT THE CLUB?” “OLp JAGGS LOFTED HIS DRIVES SO OFTEN THAT HE’S UP BEFORE THE Boarp oF GovERNORS FOR FAVORING HIGH BALLS.” Bevare of Vidders A little widow now and then Plays havoc with the single men. She smites our hearts with glances bright; Beware, oh, men! the widow’s smite! Some Do Not “What are your views on the subject of women’s dress?” “Well, I think a woman ought to wear at least enough clothes to conceal her thoughts.”” Getting Late “Why do you dodge Flubdub?” “T promised him some early vegetables.” Drawn by C. Bertram Hantuan Given a Futuristic DRAWING WITH A CAPTION TO BE FITTED TO IT, HOW’s THIS?—Dr. Hartow Suaptey or Harvarp University HAS RELE- GATED THE EARTH TO A PLACE ONE THOUSAND TIMES LESS IMPORTANT THAN IT HAS HERETO- FORE OCCUPIED. WE ARE NOW 360,000,000,- 000,009,000 MILES FROM THE CENTER OF THE universe. Wuy TALK asout Rexativity? Egg Vie w News-Notes By Leste Van Every "THE only clue to the grocery burg- lary last night is a pair of gloves which were found in the road early this morning, by Lem Bushnell, our marshal. Lem is tak- ing finger-prints of them to aid him in hunting their owner. Truman Bilge’s only objection to rubber heels is that when he walks with them it don’t seem like he is getting any place. Miss Tilly Tapper, who wore her knee skirt into the grocery Saturday, had a notion to pull it up when a mouse entered her presence, but Tilly got another notion. If Money Could Really Talk By Henry Fisuer a | MAY be old, wrinkled and dirty, but I’m sure that you’re going to love me more than that 1921 quarter in your pocket. My last master kissed me before exchanging me for a stack of poker chips.” * * * “Curses! To think that I’ve been in eighteen welfare drives only to become an ordinary tip in a restaurant!” + * * “Don’t believe her, conductor; the child in her arms is over four!” *_ * * “Well, can you beat that? Here I’ve been blowing around Riverside Drive for the last two days and nobody even low- ered their chin tolook at me. Gee! I wish I were down on the crowded east side!” * * * “Some class to me today! She spilled a lot of nine-dollars-a-bottle perfume all over me. Wonder what’s the big idea?” * * * “If you have nothing in the balcony, my master will remove my brother from his pocketbook for a box seat.” * * * “So long, fellers, I’m off for the big bath at the Government Laundry in Washington!” Interested “The bathing suits this year are dis- gusting!” “Where did you see them on sale, ma?” asked her shapely daughter. Sing It You can get along without a dimple if there’s sunshine in your smile. icbhooks.com (apne tr gis etree