Judge — July 9, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Ant Hevrant Kriss—BEFORE HE MARRIED GRACE, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KEEP HER OUT OF HIS HEAD. Kross—Now I BET HE WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE HIS MIND. Deliver Us from These People! By J. L. Harsour ‘HE man who slaps you on the back in public and says ‘‘How goes it, old boy?” and informs you that it is “fine and dandy” with him. The public speaker who calls him “my close personal friend” when referring to some man of the highest distinction. Or who says “when I was in Europe I was talking to my friend Lloyd George,” etc. The man or woman who wants you and all the world to know that he or she is descended “in a direct line” from a May- flower Pilgrim. The man who seems to think that there is but one personal pronoun in the English language, and that is the pronoun “I.” The commuter who “figures it out” to his satisfaction, if not to yours, that he can live forty miles from the city and get to his place of business five minutes sooner than when he lived in the city. The man who wants to show you forty- seven snapshots of himself, his wife and children and the views around his sum- mer home. The man who takes thirty-five minutes of your time to tell you how he finally “landed”’ the biggest pickerel ever caught in the vicinity of his country home. The man who can prove to you that his car has never yet had to “take the dust” of any other car ever made, and can also prove that “she” can run longer on a gallon of oil than any other car yet on the market. Natural Sequence “T went to a swell party last night at Cohen’s They had real gold spoons.” “Really? Show me one.” Unexpressed Sentiments By Epwarp A. Barney WESTERN justice who had received his appointment as a mark of political gratitude was presiding over his first case, the trial. of a prisoner charged with stealing a lamb. Be- fore the prosecuting attorney had gone far in grilling the witnesses the judge’s indignation at the enormity of the of- fense had reached the boiling point, and when announce- ment was made that the State rested its case he interrupted the proceedings. “T sentence this man to fifteen years in the penitentiary,” he yelled. He was informed by the attorney that so extreme a sen- tence could not be imposed for a crime of that nature. “Then look up the law, Jim,” he di- rected the clerk of the court,“‘and make it all the book will allow.” The justice was finally persuaded to give the counsel for the defense a chance to be heard. Under the spell cast by the silver-tongued plead- er, His Honor gradu- is “Yes, Drawn by Curster I. Gave He (describing golf game)—I sLIcED MY DRIVE INTO A TRAP AT THE TENTH, BUT WAS ON THE GREEN IN THREE AND SANK A LONG ONE FOR A PAR FOUR. I suppose so. MUCH ABOUT POLO.” ally softened and before the end of the peroration he was furtively wiping his eyes. “Prisoner is discharged!” he at length interrupted, and refused to allow the trial to continue further despite the expostu- lations of the district attorney. After adjournment a quiet-looking little man who had been seated in a corner during the trial, approached the judge’s desk and gently laid down a five-dollar bill. “What’s this?” inquired the surprised magistrate somewhat suspiciously. “My fine, your Honor,” was the reply: “I find that I am in contempt of this court.” Desk Dreaming By Wa. S. Avxins I? like to go adventuring And sail the distant brine, But life is always censuring That attitude of mine. Bookkeeping and debenturing Confine me to a cage. I cannot go adventuring And earn a weekly wage. The Answer “Can you define matrimony?” “Yes! You go to adore, you ring a belle, and you give your name to a maid— and then you’re taken in!” Custeu l au QuITE REMARKABLE, WHAT? But I must conress I pon’T KNow comicbooks.com