Judge — July 2, 1921 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

XUM er. vil- ur in- ion od ng es, lo- - 1g, 1S, ke on Digest of the World’s Humor Enriching the Language — “No doubt,” says the Luray Herald, referring to the French brought back by our soldier boys, “our language will keep such expres- sions as bean tote, bone jar, billy do, lin- gery, auntra noo, fox paws, Jenny’s pa, silver plate, three beans and toot sweet.”— Boston Transcript. Standing by His Word— Uncle Ed— Well, Johnny, how do you spell giraffe? Johnny—G-i-r-a-f-e. “The dictionary spells it with two f’s.”” “Well, youasked me how I spelled it.” — Boston Globe. A Librarian’s Lament—She was young; she was pretty. She wore the tra- ditional tortoiseshell campus windshields. And she had the American co-ed’s blithe- some assurance as she stepped up to the library window. “Oh, look!” she said. “I’ve got to read some books. It’s for my English VI semi-finals. Look, have you got ‘The Four Horsemen with the Erysipelas,’ by that Spanish Caveman? And I want a book of poetry, too. Something kind of jazzy. See?”— New York Tribune. Not So Far Off—Wife—I had to laugh! Mrs. Newrich, in telling me about her new house, spoke of the spinal stairway. Hub—Perhaps she referred to her back- stairs.—Boston Transcript. But the French Sound the ‘“t'’— Teacher—Millie, don’t pronounce the French word “Dot,” a dowry, with the “t” sounded. It is pronounced like “dough.” Millie—Well, I guess that’s what it is.— Baltimore American. From Her Cheap Sweetheart—Y oung woman (holding out hand)—Will you please tell me how to pronounce the name of the stone in this ring? Is it turkoise or turkwoise? Jeweler (after inspecting it)—The cor- rect pronunciation is “glass.””—Boston Transcript. He (vo THE GIRL HE IS RIDING WITH IN A TAXI) — How MUCH PLEASANTER IT IS TO RIDE IN A TAXI AND THINK HOW MUCH PLEASANTER IT 1S TO RIDE IN A TAXI THAN IT IS TO WALK, THAN IT IS TO WALK AND THINK HOW MUCH PLEAS- ANTER IT WOULD BE TO RIDE IN A TAXI THAN IT 1s TO WALK.—London Mail. A Safe Bet—In Massachusetts a man who speaks ten tongues has just married a woman who speaks seven. We are betting on the lady.— Philadel- phia Public Ledger. A Knowing Child—“ Mamma, what are twins?” asked Bobby. “Oh, I know,” chimed in Marjory with all the superiority of an elder sister. “Twins is two babies just the same age; three is triplets; four is quadrupeds, and five is centipedes.”—Boston Transcript. Unreasonable Woman! -“ Your RED WINE IS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN THE waite!” “Certainty! FOR NoTHING?”—Le Rire (Paris), Do you THINK WE COLOR IT 19 Prohibition Mother Goose SING a song of six bucks, a bottle full of tye; Four and twenty night birds nearly lose an eye! When the bottle’s opened the birds begin to sing, “We didn’t have such rotten hooch when Barleycorn was king!” The king was in the bathroom, brewing something funny; The queen was in the kitchen, drinking gin and honey; The maid was in the garden, gathering a souse; And they all lived together in a prohibition house. The car was in the river, another in the ditch, A doctor sewed the bandits up and never switched a stitch. The bottles in the roadway may remain a longer time To show how prohibition has completely halted crime.—Motordom. A Journalistic Nightmare OXE night I dreamed the sun rose on A day that none could censure; A perfect day! No scandal and No coryphee’s adventure; No railroad accidents occurred, No murder was committed, No jury probed unwritten laws, No millionaires remitted. No rich man’s wife took leave of him, No poor man’s home got triplets, No Profiteer’s excuses came, No candidates told fiblets; “At last,” I cried, “the perfect day; A journalistic hey-dey; But one thing could improve on it And that if it were payday.” I donned my togs and went to work As is my daily caper; The edit. gruffly said; “Go home! Today there’ll be no paper!” —Buffalo News