Judge — July 2, 1921 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ue, car ca- re. la gh ps. ou ir? ‘h- ys on 1g 1? XUM The Old Girl’s with Us Again! By Stretita V. Kevterman W!tH a heigh and a ho, Away we go, To the gay little wildwood glen; Where the hawthorns blow, And the violets grow— The old girl’s with us again! In Nature’s retreat, Her alluring-sweet Is a-surge in the hearts of men; Their pulses repeat What nothing can che: The old girl’s with us again! The old World is young, And on every tongue, Is the roll of a glad Amen! O the songs that are sung, And the draperies hung— The old girl’s with us again! Joyous Confessions By Cuet Suarer At the last meeting of the Better Brew club the various members who had achieved fame beyond their wildest dreams were invited to refer to theie work, paying especial attention to the energy, both potential and kinetic, of their products. Their expressions are carefully recorded herewith: “T made a batch of corn whisky the last time and I could taste the guy that ploughed the corn.” “T gave a touch of my most recent po- tion to a cripple and he turned around and gave his crutches to a policeman.” “As a drayman I shook a few drops of my product in the nose-bag of a frayed cob and he laid back his ears and whin- nied: ‘From now on, please, call me Pegasus.’”” “The last snort I had made me think I’d_ swallowed a plumber’s blow-torch.” “Every time I hoist a shot of mine I’ve got to play my bass Horn to express myself.” “T hurled a slug down the old hatch recently and went home while my wife was cleaning house.” “When I saturate myself with my best concoction I'll stand in a safety zone and wait for a street car.” “A turkey got hold of a few drops of my last batch and gobbled: ‘Come on Thanks- giving. You ain’t got me scared.’ ” “Tn bringing mine in out of the sun I accidentally spilled a few drops on a flower-bed | Draven by W..O, Wisox-+A. C. Ir THE NEIGHBORS WERE TO RETURN ALL THE GROCERIES THEY HAVE BORROWED, Drawn by Ronent Leen Tue Cosmetic Urce. where my wife had planted some modest violet seeds. When they grew up they were tiger lilies.” Fair Exchange “How did they happen to meet?” “He ran over that measley poodle she was so fond of.” “Did he replace it?” “Oh, yes! He is engaged to her, now.” Undoubtedly “T think she is as pretty as she can be.” “Most girls are nowadays.” No Use “With all her fine clothes, why does she go to a cheap hotel?” “What’s the use of showing fine clothes where everybody’s got fine clothes?” 7 » Sobby Soup Song By Stantey R. Osporn {A PRODIGAL fly in a table-d’héte Bemoaned his friv’lous past. The glamor gone, he had lingered on With the winter come at last. “Ah, gee!” said he, “it is plain to see That the good home life was the life for me.” And he threw himself into the soup tureen, Where from twelve ’til two he died unseen. Sing hey for the life of the Great White Way; Sing hey for the life so gay! The rounder who ate of the suicide broth Was dyspeptic, lone and sore; The very guy who should sob and sigh O’er a comrade gone before. But no, not so, no grief did he show As he gazed on the fly that was dead of woe. But in horrible hate and rage arose And waved him under the waiter’s nose— Sing hey for the life of the Great White Way; Sing hey for the life so gay! Yellow ‘‘White Lies” “Three cabinet ministers are officially ill, which is the Chinese procedure preliminary to resignation.” —News item. That accounts for names like Lum-Ba- Go and Noo-Mo-N’ya. But what, pray, is their favorite disease—does one “take” insomnia or asthma? And do former offi- cials, instead of “Hon.,” bear the title “T.B.”? And if one resigned and left hastily, is it said that he took a locomotor ataxia—or simply that he “flu?”