Judge — July 2, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by J. Norway Lrxp PsycuoLocists: NATURAL—AND—ARTIFICIAL. For Married Men Only By Orson Lowen E often wonder about things. Lots of things. Divorce and sweethearts and marriage and kisses and bigamy and— well, for instance, an astute delver into sociological statistics in England recently ventured the opinion that the growth of divorce there was due in large measure to canton-flannel night-gowns. In this coun- try we manage things much better, though perhaps we go too far. The women wear pink silk pajamas, we believe. With ruffles. Can the increase of bigamy be traceable to this? We wonder. For there’s a new bigamist in the papers every morning. A bigger bigamist, too; we are developing a super variety, for where they used to undertake to make two women happy, valiant spirits now essay to do as much for three, or four, or even five. One man recently tried to keep his two wives contented in one flat. Poor dear, he did not succeed. And what is more, for all his earnest endeavor only criticism was bestowed upon him. Every one panned the poor guy an appetizing brown. His apartment-house neighbors criticized him, the tradespeople criticized him, and the police nagged at him, too, and his wives’ mothers, and the newspapers wrote unkind pieces about it, and the pastors all threw the hook into him. It seems to us that one who tries so hard to make double the happiness in one household, to make two rainbows glow where but one arched before, deserves more consideration. There he was, never think- ing of himself at all, just working away at the office like a darned old slave, trying to make both ends meet and to keep a roof and new Spring hats—yes, the overhead must have been pretty stiff. Any wife is an item of expense; a two-wife apartment must be just twice as hard to finance. And there are the children, It’s possible for one’s family to grow twice as fast. Think of the worry. He was simply a dear to undertake it. As R. L. S. would say again (Permission of Chas. Scribner’s Sons) “—here is a task for all that a man has of fortitude and delicacy.” See what the old brick let himself in for. Imagine coming home from a hard day and having two wives to tell him of all their day’s little household thorns—Bridget is becoming so disrespectful that it’s positively unbearable, and the little pagans next door threw sand in Willie’s eyes, and something will have to be done about that waste-pipe or we'll all be down with typhoid, and the family above must surely keep galloping elephants, and the babies didn’t sleep a wink all the afternoon, and little Doris has picked up the word ‘“‘hootch.” And with two wives the visiting up-state relativity is apt to be all of double. See here: Every time your wife gets a $38 hat, suppose you had two to pay for; two Pairs of $23 shoes; fwo new. evening gowns, two fur coats, two—well, you know, all those things that wives buy, some in quantities. He was too ambitious, of course, and over estimated his powers, but we say the bird was a jolly old trump to have undertaken it. The police thought he was a crook... We wonder! Near and Far By J. G. MacKenty H, damsel fair with eves so blue, and golden hair, across the car from me. Your eyes look into mine, provoca- tive of friendship, maybe more. Your teeth like snowy pebbles on a wind-swept strand peep through . thesmiling bow of your red lips. If I should smile, a little bit, would you then pout and frown, and say You hadn’t met me properly, or tell the Irish conductor to put me off the car? Each morn and every night we ride togeth- er. You remember me, I’m sure. Should stiff convention keep us always distant? I doubt if you’ll be sore, for you are but a dental-powder ad. The Medical School Binks—Is the new student clever? Banks—I should say so! He knows every germ by its first name. His Social Duty Parke—Yes, sir, there is an obligation on all of us to keep as many people amused as_ possible. Lane—Is that why you insist on playing golf with your wife on Saturday afternoon? MEA L TRIUMPH: ‘THE EMBONPOINT LADY, TO THE LEFT, 1S Mrs. Lizzie ATTER- ER OF THE WAR ARISTOCRACY, WHO AFTER TAKING OVER THE MORT- 3, OLD MASTERS AND ANTIQUES OF THE DucnEss WorSEN-WoRSER, IS SEEN ABSORBING HER BLUE BLOOD AT THE RATE OF $72 A PINT. 16 ti pl tic ar to no dr go gi Sci th fey