Judge — July 2, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ad 2 a ‘ic ad er et YUM The First Quarrel By F. G. Merz VESTERDAY I quar- reled with her for the first time. It has been just a year since I took her in my arms for the first time, and yesterday I quarreled with her. I must confess that I started it when I kicked at her. She had been visiting at our next-door neighbor’s, and when I called her, she refused to obey me. I had to go over and get her, and it was then that I kicked at her. I missed her, but she scratched me, and ran away. That made me real mad, and I picked up a big stick, intending tostrike her. My neighbor tried to pacify me, and even threat- ened me with arrest, but my anger knew no bounds, and I chased her into our own home. When I found her, she was curled up in a large overstuffed rocker, and she looked so cunning and cute, that I hadn’t the heart to strike her. I went over to her, intending to pet her, and she bit me. Without any thought of remorse, I picked her up and put her out of the house. When I retired that evening she hadn’t returned. My conscience never troubled me, I gave her no further thought, in fact I was glad that she didn’t return. This morning I found her waiting for me at the front door. I took her in my arms, and we both forgave. I went to the office, happy in the thought that she had learned her lesson. When I returned from the office this evening, I again found her over at my neighbor’s. I heard my neighbor tell her she was cute, and that I was a lucky man to have her. He even took her in his arms, but I felt no pangs of jealousy at his actions; in fact I always feel proud on such occasions, because I know that I own the best Angora cat in the neighborhood. A Modest Disclaimer The Toddler—Say, I think you’re a won- der. How did you ever think up such a novel jazzy effect for the saxophone? The Saxophonist—Mere accident, girlie. All through that last number I had a fierce case of hiccups. The Truth at Last Old Mother Hubbard, She went to the cupboard, But nursery rhymes all fail to mention, That when she got there The cupboard was bare Of all save the bones of contention. “SENATOR BouNcER’s DAUGHTER, EH? “SURE OF HERSELF? Drawn by Ganvyer O. Rea The Hardening Process Prison Personnel Officer (assigning new customer to job)—What are you in for? Late Arrival—Forgery. P. P.O.—Report to the blacksmith shop and they’ll put you to work. Letting Him Keep It “Madam, this is the ‘last word’ in hats.” “Well, I'll forget that I am a woman and let you have the last word.” Drawn by A. T. Merrick , ‘THE PERFECT CONFIDENCE OF THE REAL ESTATE PROMOTOR. 15 WELL, SHE CERTAINLY SEEMS SURE OF HERSELF.” I sHoutp say sHE Is! Wuy, IF THE DOCTOR TOLD HER SHE WAS GOING TO DIE, SHE’D IMMEDIATELY START TAKING LESSONS ON THE HARP!” Happy Though Heathen By Wiu1am Huse, Jr. IN winter, summer, spring and fall The heathen wears no clothes at all; He picks his victuals from a tree, And eats them raw as raw can be. His primitive theology Would never do for you and me; He prays to funny gods of stone. (He will not let strong drink alone). He loafs for hours at a stretch And makes his women work, the wretch! And if there’s more than they can do, He takes another wife or two. And through it all he dares to grin. (He has no consciousness of sin.) And strange and awful to relate, He’s happy in this frightful state! No Chance for Her Howard—Do you think your unmarried daughter will become engaged this season? Jay—No, she’s not.old enough for a young man, and not young enough for an old man. Buried Treasure Dryden—Why are you wrecking that building? I thought you bought it to rent. Wetmore—So I did, but I just heard that there’s a jug of hootch under the corner- stone. The French of It “How does he sell his coal?” “Sometimes a /a carte, and sometimes cul de sacl” comicbooks.com