Judge — June 18, 1921 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wholesale Efficiency PT UNDER THE CARPET?” Trouble Certain—Tom Daly, humorist and poet, tells a little story that throws some light on the kind of liquor that is banded out in the drinking-places of the metropolis. A stranger in the city, the story gocs, went up to a barkeeper and ordered a drink. After serving the stranger the barkeeper immediately grabbed him by the collar and hustled him to the door. “Whaddye putting me out for,” the stranger demanded, indignantly. “Lain’t started nothin’ yet.” “I know,” the barkeep replied, “but you are going to in a minute.”—Youngs- town am. The Bad Speaker—The late E. C. Benedict, the noted financier and yachts- man, said one day at Indian Harbor: “Tam a very bad after-dinner speaker. In fact, I am such a bad after-dinner i swert EVERYTHING UNDER THE CARPET." —Kasper (Stock speaker that often, in the middle of a specch I think dismally of Judge Lyons of ‘Tombstone. “Judge Lyons of Tombstone arose one evening to make a campaign speech in the presence of a large audience. He spoke so badly that his audience melted away by degrees. At the end of an hour one old miner alone was left. “The old miner yawned and reached down for his hat at last, but he was horri- fied to see Judge Lyons draw a six-shooter from his hip-pocket and lay it on the desk before him. “The old miner sat up. He fingered his hat nervously. At length, he interrupted Judge Lyon's turgid flood of oratory and said: ““Be ye g’wine ter shoot ef I go?’ “‘Such, friend, is my intention,’ said Judge Lyons grimly. ‘I am bound to finish my oration, even if I have to shoot to keep an audienc “The old miner heaved a deep sigh. Then he rose and started for the door, at the same time saying over his shoulder: Wall, shoot if yer a mind ter, I'd as be shot as talked ter death.’""—Detroit Free Press. One of Them—There w man who did not approve of foreign missions. One Sunday at church a collector approached him and held out the box. “T never give to missions,” whispered the man. “Then take something out of the bag, sir,” whispered the collector, “the money is for the heathen.”— Pittsburg Chronicle- Telegraph. An Expert—“ What is Wishby’s method pproach when he wants a loan?” Brisk and businesslike.” “Tsee.”” “You would actually think you were making money by the transaction.”—Bir- mingham Age- Herald. Science of the Domestic Touch— Mrs. Green—My husband always makes a fuss when I ask him fora little money. Mrs. Wyse—Your system is all wrong, my dear, Tell him you need a lot of money and he'll feel tickled when he can put you off with a little.—Boston Transcript. Perhaps—“ Is there any value whatever behind our currency?” “Sure,” said the prominent Bolshevist. ‘Eventually somebody will want it for waste paper, if properly baled.” —Louis- ville Courier-Journal. What He Preferred—* And did you say you preferred charges against this man?” asked the Judge, looking over his gold- rimmed spectacle: “No, Your Honor,” was the quick reply of the man to whom money was owed; “I prefer the cash!" —Yonkers Statesman. Another Man's Luck The J Normixc To we thankj Evexezer? Wary, Tix oF Poor otp Tost Corrixc, wno's sUst Lost ais wire! Ebenezer—TUat DON'T HELP te, PARSON—I ain't Tom Corrixc!—Passing Show (Loxdon). comicbooks.com