Judge — January 1, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In the Thieves’ Kitchen—*"I know a fine crib you can crack in the West distric ‘an’t be done. My operations are limited by the Union to the Eastern dis- trict.” Humoristische Blaetter (Vienna), Would You Like to Help Casey? Bill Reilly was walking along Third Avenue and came to Casey's saloon, Going up to Casey, he said “You've a terrible lot of flies in here. ra, there's a lot of them.” here is,”’ says Casey. “TI kill everyone of them,” says Reilly, “if you'll give me a drink of whisky “You will?” says Casey. “Sure?” filling up the glass, Reilly drinking it. “Now give me another,” says Reilly, “and I'll clean them out.” After emptying the second glass, Reilly walked to the door. “Hold on,” says Casey, “I thought you were going to kill all these flies for Be end them all Sing Sing Bul- I am,” says Reilly out to me, one by one. letin, A Cruel Test—“ What's the quickest way to cure a Socialist?” “LT know a cure, but | wouldn't care to try it myself.” “Well?” “Hand him $10,000 and suggest that he divide it among his brethren.”"—Bir- mingham Age- Herald, Those Bolshevik Whiskers—Colonel Damfinovitch, commanding a Polish regi- ment against the Bolsheviks, tore open the message from the front. “Slight error in prev us report. Clump of brush reported captured proved to be Bolshevik platoon,” he read.— Red Diamond. One Does Not Suit oenue—Well, 1 supplied? piar (Vienna). Pickeda Peach—“* Digest of the World’s Humor All—Flush Par are you satisfied with the “Yus! Now I want two tin trumpets for my two youngsters.” —Die Muskete at fellow charged with ‘mashing’ says it’s all a mistake.” “Whi “He's near-sighted.”” “Did you see the preferred the charge?” No.” “T did. pung women who His eyesight’s pretty good.”’— Birmingham Age-Hercld. The Helpful) Laundryman—* Did the laundryman find those cuffs he lost last week?” ‘0, John.” the cuffs.” Svidently: he fi ‘This week he lost the shirts.” Courier-Journal. ured it that wa The shirts are no good to me without , too. lle Louise Scotch Thrift “So you cor $200 ov come Twas No AN accive: THE OLD WIFE ON THE WHEN THE CRASH CAME.” 1s T OF THE RAILWAY NY FOR THE AccIDENT?” T. LyusTcRackeD Herp WI" ME STICK London Mail. Misinformation—* There's a great deal printed that you can’t believe.” “There is,” assented Uncle Bill Bot- Uetop; “specially on bottles.”—MWash- ington Star, First Aid—“ This stuff won’t kill me, I hope?” said the timorous customer. “I don’t think so,” replied the blind tiger proprietor. “But what did you press that button for?”” “Oh, I was just calling our private ambulance.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Heavy Loss—He was sitting on the curb, looking at his car, and as we passed by, he greeted us so pleasantly that we must perforce stop and exchange a word with him, though he was a stranger. r trouble?” we asked, idiotically. Lossa trouble,” he acquiesced. “ Gotta forty-horse power car, there. An’ thirty- nine o’ them poor hosses is dead. Terrible eek—eck—cek—" he seemed unable to get any further, and he hiccoughed. “Terrible economic los gested. “Nope. Terrible eck-wine mortality!” he succeeded, triumphantly. “I had some o’ this here, now, good-natural alcohol,” he went on, “ An’ I'd otta’ve give some of it to the engine. But I drank it. An’ now I only got one hoss left.” He seemed about to weep, so we left him.—Clewland Plain Dealer. we sug- Good Guess—“I have just received an invitation to attend a little party at Bibbles’ bachelor quarte “Well?” “What do the letters ‘B. Y. O.’ mean at the bottom of the note “Probably ‘Bring Your Own.’”— Birmingham Age-Herald. =o.