Judge — December 4, 1920 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown by Henman Patsrn Digest of the World’s Humor Largess Something Similar—* Are scientists still trying to learn the monkey lan guage?” asked Mr. Glipping “I don’t know,” said Mr. but if they want to hear a pretty fair my Dubwaite, substitute they ought to listen t youngest daughter talking to one ‘rah-rah’ friends over the telephone.” Birmingham Age-Herald. Exhilirator is Right —Percioal—I just tramped on the exhilirator and the machine shot ahead. Pene don’t you? “What's the difference?” “The thing that picks motor vehicle is called an tor” “Oh—” “And an ‘exhilirator’ is s that gives you a lively feeling.” “Well, I guess [I was right after all. You see this was a regular joy ride.”— accelerator, ean > sper ‘accelera mething Youngstown Telegram. Pleasant Mistake—“ When William got a letter this morning, he frowned and said he supposed it was another of those notes from his mother beginning, ‘Billy don’t. Was it?” “No; when he opened it, he found it billet-doux."’—Baltimore was a sAmeri- can, The Sins of Eucalyptus.—Eucalyp- tus sat in her abattoir, combing her hair. A camisole stewed cheerfully on the samovar. She lazily sipped a peignoir and glanced cautiously out of the window at her coiffure, who stood beside his car. Suddenly a knock sounded at the door. She had neglected to throw the bolt—her negligée would cost her dear! Scarcely a Curistas ,ORA “Wuar po you PRESENT, DEARE NICE LEG OF LAMB WANT FOR A PEARL Le Rire on her boudoir when the had she slippec door flew open, and in walked a person in masculine attire, who she quickly saw Lom Upon glancing closer, she ized her husband! He fastened his eyes upon her moved them and flung them throt rn window. He fainted; she Then he came to, and she came to, too. She handed him a highball, but at that m nt the coiffure entered and handed him two eyeballs. “Eucalyptus, them!""—Clen was rec She re h the he cried, “I have found Plain’ Dealer: Piping His Weakness (To Boss Plumber)— OF YOUR DISTINGUISHED TYPE, SIR, WOULD NOT WANT TO PAY THE SAME PRICE AS THE ordi- nary, EVERY-DAY CITIZEN, NATURALLY.—Le Journal Amusant (Paris) 1s Profiteering Yes, Luella, things are going plainly higher all the time, Fairly rivaling the status of our elevated thyme. One would think, observing prices and their heaven-kissing stunts, That the modern making moncy had to make it all at once. In the time when Rockefeller put his modest stake in oil We were rendering for riches hard unremitting toil Men in those days wooed their just as poets woo the muse, Rather than acquiring riches selling us a pair of shoes and fortunes Life was 1 day was not the last; No one dreamed of making money then so thunderation fast Bit by bit the rich man gathered that which crowned his earned repose, life was patient, and the And there were no sudden fortunes selling us a suit of clothes Mer cared then, my little girlie, more for venture than for gain! Thus it was they made the conquest cf the mountain and the plain Thousands went to California on no more alluring chance Of enrichment than the one a pair of parts. tailor’s selling That is all, my sweet Luella—what was often fairly got And with patience is expected from a holdup on the spot Once we hailed the man of business, ery- ing: “May his tribe increase!” But detecting one approaching nowa- days, we yell “POLICE!” —St. Louis Post-Dispatch.