Judge — November 13, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fair Exchange Maid Sercant—Tue MADAM SENT ME TO EXCHANGE THIS RAISIN CAKE—WE FOUND A PLY IN IT, Baterp—Teit your Mistress THERt’s NOTHING poING. But tf sie RETURNS THE FLY, TLL GIVE HER A RAISIN IN PLACE or it. Kasper (Stockholm). PD) & » The New Manners—Time was when aman would show a guest his most trea- sured things—his library, his horses, his children. Today he takes ye guest into a far corner of ye house, opens three locked doors and then standing before a closed yboard, he says with pride, “Here it is!” and ye guest, licking his dry lips, knows what Jt is—Journal of the Imerican Medical Association. cul She's Found Them Useful— Flat bush—You know, my wife threatened to smash all those steins and flasks I had in my den, Bensonhurst 1 she? “No, she didn’t; and she’s glad of it.” “Why so? “She's using ‘em for jelly and preserves now. "— Yonkers Statesman. But she didn’t do it Obeying the Law—"Let me sce,” said the customer, taking stock of his purchases. “I have the hops, the yeast and the malt extract. Now show me what to do with these ingredients.” “I'm very sorry, sir,” said the polite salesman. “The law docs not allow us to give demonstrations.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. A Long Time—The old-fashioned man who was a good husband when he was sober is beginning to feel like it is too long between lapses.—Dallas News. Feminine Limitations—Mr kinson was much perturbed to learn t her nine-year-old hopeful had been en- gaged in a pitched battle with the bad bey down the street. Therefore she sum- moned Horace for an accounting. “When,” she demanded, “that awful boy threw stones at you, why didn’t you come to me and tell me instead of throw- ing back at him?” “Tell you, mother?” with unfeigned astonishment. “Why, what good would that have done? You couldn't hit a barn door!’’— Harper's Magazine. said the boy, His Idea—In Minnesota last year a little Swede presented himself to a certain schoolma’am for instruction. “What is your name?” the asked. “Yonny Olsen,” he said. “How old are you?” “Ay not know how old Ay bar “Well, when were you born? ued the teacher “ Ay bane not born at all; Ay got step- mutter.” rybody’s. teacher contin No Linguist—The friendly visitor patted Georgie on the head and ine quired: “Do you go to school?” “Ye ude are you in?” “Third. “T suppose you can spell nearly every- thing?” “Yessir.” “Can you spell ‘cat’?” “You bettcha.”” “And ‘rat “Yes.” “ And your own name?” “Yessir.” “Can you spell ‘Constantinopl “Aw you gwan, that’s a foreign lang- Youngstown Telegram. widge.” Helping Mother—Pete Metzger's wife had been working hard all day and when evening came she was pretty well played out. When Pete came home that night she remarked about being tired and added, “Believe me, I'm going to count my steps tomorrow. The next day she found their young ster following her around, saying, “Teh, ‘leven, ete.” She finally asked him why he was doing it, and he told her he was her.—-Deleo counting — the Doings steps for Guaranteed to Wear Youngster—ANb YoU ADVISE ME TO MARRY sven Oldster—TRUE, MY FRIEND, BUT CONSIDER HOW LONG THEY LAST Ww You rorGet, 1 THESE DAYS A WIFE COSTS SO Le Rire (Paris).