Judge — November 13, 1920 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I | Spoiling the Undertakers “DEAR FRIENDS, THERE IS A PROVERB THAT RUNS: YOU LEARN AS LONG AS YOU Live. Just THINK, IF A PEKSON NEVER DIED WHAT A WONDERFUL KNOWLEDGE ONE WouLD HAVE! — Disclosure—* That speech,”’ said the secretary, “will enable anybody to know exactly what you had in mind.” “Do you think so?” exclaimed Sen- ator Sorghum. “In that case we'd bet- ter get to work immediately and rewrite it." —Washington Star, Marital Spite—“I'd like to see my wife go to the polls to vote.” Are you so much opposed to suf- tra 7 It isn’t that, but I'd like to enjoy hearing her called down good and hard for not knowing how to fold her ballot.”— an. Baltimore Amer So It Goes—"Cholly used to be interested only in clothes, automobiles, and such things. But now he’s taking up politics.” Can't talk to a girl now: less you understand politics. ” Courier-Journal. ays un- isville As It Is—‘‘Now we want only one more delegate to insure the nomination. Wiggs, can’t you bring influence to bear on a delegate you know? “I wouldn't dare to try. The only delegate I know is my wife.’ —Baltimore American, Who's Who He was bred in old Ohio, where the Presidents are made; He is running like the dicke hopes to make the grade He’s the owner of a paper and the editor and he of same; You can win a pot of money if you rightly guess his name. St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Why She Didn't— //usband—Didn't you throw your hat in the ring for presi- dency of your club? Wife (sarcastically)—I couldn't, dear; it was out of style.—Boston Globe. A Thorough Enthusiast—“Henri- etta,” asked Mr. Meekton, “do you think votes-for-women is going to be a complete success?” How can you doubt it, Leonidas?” “Perhaps | am overanxious. But it looks as if the woman voters were likely to let a lot of men get into effice, the same as before.” —Washington Star, A Diplomat—“It was a very shrewd and diplomatic culprit,” says a Denver lawyer, “who was brought before a judge in our town not so long ago. The judge fixed him with a stern eye and said: “You are charged with having regis- tered illegally.’ “*Your Honor,’ said the man, ‘maybe I did, but they were trying so hard to beat Your Honor that I became desper- ate.’ "— Harper's Magazine. eption—* Madam.” said the tattered visitor at the door, “I have seen better days.” “So ye, 1 the hard-faced woman, “but I don’t care to live over the past with a ragged stranger. Good morning.” —Birmingham Age- Herald, His Modest Request—Mr. Goodsole Well, what do you want? Benny the Bum—I wanna know kin 1 borry a red lantern off’n you? I find 1 gotta sleep in the street tonight an’ I'll hafta warn the traffic to drive aroun’ me. —Detroit Free Press. Beyond His Skill—‘‘I was once pros perous, ma’am,” said the tattered vis- itor. “What did you do for a living?” “1 owned a cure for ineb a jates.”” nd I suppose prohibition put you out of business?” “Yes, ma’am. People who have been drinking hair tonic, benzine and varnish need the services of a regular doctor.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. A Conscientious Man— Housewife— Why don’t you go to work? Hobo—V'm =a conscientious — man, lady, an’ I can’t find any business dat ain't full of profiteerin’—Boston Tran- script. Solving the Marriage Problem Visitor-—My Poor wire ts OBLIGED TO GO INTO THE KITCHEN HERSELP—APTER GETTING A COLLEGE DEGREE AND EVERYTHING Complacent Host—Now You UNDERSTAND, OLD TOP, HOW IT Is—YOU WHO HAVE CRITH CED ME FOR YEARS FOR MARRYING MY coox.—Le Rire (Paris).