Judge — November 6, 1920 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Influencing the Decision—“ You're no judge of beauty.” “Think not?” “No; this is not the most beautiful in- fant in the baby show, ” “My eye for beauty is all right. Have you seen the baby’s mother?” ‘ake a look at her.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Exception—“ A woman is more grace- ful than a man,” observed the Sage. “Not when she’s getting off a street commented the Fool.—Cincinnali The Penalty—He—My dear, I've warned you before and now I must insist that we try to live within our income. She—Oh, very well, if you want to be considered eccentric by everybody in our set.—Boston Transcript. Mother's Assurance—‘ Melanie is fifteen years old. I don’t think it is decent of her to appear in public in such a short dress.” “Don't worry, dear. She has put on one of mine in her hurry.”"—Die Musket> (Vienna). Her View—“ You know it is stated that a man’s heart beats 92,160 times a day,” said the young man wearing a Shriner’s pin. “Every day?” asked the Eastern Star lady es, every day.” “Well, if a young man’s heart didn’t beat more times than that the day he proposed marriage to me, I'd consider him a pretty cold proposition!” —Yon- kers Statesman. No Cut-Ups—Mrs. Blank (to laun- dress)—And how is your newly married daughter getting on, Mrs. Brown? Mrs. Brown—Oh, nicely, thank you, ma’am. She finds her husband a bit dull; but then, as I tells her, the good ones are dull.—Boston Transcript. Next to Nature's Heart—Widow (whose weeds are dark but not dense)— Isn’t there something I can put on to keep the mosquitoes from biting me? Grouchy Bachelor—Yep. Clothes. Chicago Tribune. What a Memory! Professor—NAMe FIVE ANIMALS LIVING IN THE POLAR REGIONS. Student—A waraus— Professor—Cornect Stude A sean Professor—Conntct tudent—AND THREE POLAR BEARS! ondags S im) All She Had Left—‘'I presume you carry a memento of some kind in that locket you wear?” the inquisitive wife of the clergyman asked a parishioner. “Yes. It’s a lock of my husband's hair.” “But your husband is still alive!"’ the lady exclaimed in considerable surprise. “Yes, that is true; but his hair is — Houston Post. Perhaps He Was Justified—“ You have heard of the man who killed the goose that laid the golden eggs?” “Yes,” said Farmer Corntossel. “It’s just possible that goose required such expensive feed that it wasn't much of an investment, anyhow.”—Washington Star, Production—“ You have been putting up some buildings,” remarked the visitor from the city. “Yes,” replied Farmer Corntossel. “Ts that a new barn over yonder?” “No. That’s a moving picture the- ater and just beyond is a dance pavilion. I’ve about decided that the great secret of modern farming is making it pleasant for the help, regardless of expense.” Washington Star. A Give-Away—* What makes dinner so late today, sonny?” asked the summer boarder at the place where only home- grown food was served. “Mother lost the can-opener,” replied the landlady’s boy.—Boston Globe . Not in the Piker Class Porko—Wuat! Oxty THREE vottARS? Bau! [ Never TOLERATE SUCH PALTRY CHARGES Dative ME AROUND, MY GOOD MAN, UNTIL THE METER REGISTERS TEN DOLLARS, AT LEAST.— Strix (Stockholm). 1s