Judge — November 6, 1920 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eam eof eee Modern Surgery Surgeon—To sum vr: Fracture or THE FeMUR—I AmPUTATE its Lec; Fracture or THe HUMERUS—I AMPUTATE 11S ARM; FRACTURE OF THE SKULL Assistant—TWeN IT WILL BE BEST TO BEGIN BY CUTTING OFF Hts HEAD. —Le Rire (Paris) As Told in Greenfield—Back in the dim distant years when the high cost of living was not an ever-present problem and some things were cheap, James Whitcomb Riley walked into a barber shop at Greenfield for a five-cent shave The proprietor of the shop was an oli negro. “Well, Sam, how are you getting along?” Mr. Riley asked. “Mr. Jim, I had a very good day,” Sam replied. “If I could make seve five cents between now and quittin’ time I'd have a dollar.”"—Indianapolis } ws. Misunderstanding Mary—Burr Mc Intosh said in an address at the Hotel Commodore in New York: “Some men get credit for qualities they don’t deserve. It's like the case of a girl L know. “What a brave, brave girl Mary is!’ said a the young man's sister. “Why, at the dance last night,’ said the young man, ‘she was the only girl who kept her seat and remained perfectly cool when the mouse appeared.” ““Pshaw,’ said his sister. ‘That wasn't bravery. Mary told me after- wards that she had her old garters on. Albany Knickerbocker-Press. The est Style—“ William Dean Howells.” said an editor, “often joked about the latest styles. “The minister made a witty: refer- ence to the latest style in his sermon, didn’t he?’ Mr. Howells said one Sunday morning to a young lady of New York. “*Did he? How?’ asked the young lady. “Why, didn’t you notice?’ said Mr. Howells, ‘He chose his text from Revela- tions.’"’—Detroit Free Press. Expensive Suits The Snob—Iv 1 continue AT THIS PACE, I SHALL CERTAINLY BE BANKRUPT IN LESS THAN A YEAR. THINK OF IT—SUED THREE TIMES INA MONTH! “WAS IT THE RACES, OR ROULETTE?” The Snob—Goov Gracious, xo! My taiwor.—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). “ A Valuable Assistant—“What do you think of that new clerk of yours who looks like a movie star?” “He seems to h made quite pression on our fair stenographe the tired business man. “You didn’t hire him to break hearts, T hop in im- * said ‘o, but competent stenographers are hard to get. If 1 can keep him from showing favoritism, I may be able to hold my present force together for at least’ six months.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. A Woman's Way—*“It is terrible for a woman to keep a man in suspense.” “In love?” “Naw. A cook I'm dickering with keeps kidding me along pretending that she might take the position.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. An Incompetent Lot— "This one I am now getting is my thirteenth cook.” “Aren't you a little superstitious re- ling her?” “Nota bit. She couldn’t possibly turn out worse than the other twelve."”—Bos- ton Transcript. ga Good Training—Myles—That’s a wonderful butler of yours; he never opens his mouth while serving. Styles—That's right. “Where on earth did you get him?” “Oh, he worked in a deaf and dumb asylum before he came to us.” —Vonkers Statesman, The Autocrat—*Do you and your wife talk politics at home?” ever,” replied Mr. Meckton. “We ve a perfectly good cook.” “What has that tu do with it?” “We are afraid she might get into the conversation and tell us both how we'll have to vote to keep her from lea B Washington Star. Domestic Strategy—/]e—Why do you say such hard things about Bridget to our callers? She's a treasure; the best cook we ever had. She—How little you men understand your wives’ problems! If I told the truth about her those women would be falling over themselves in their efforts to get her away from us.—Boston Transcript.