Judge — October 30, 1920 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cold Comfort—"*Do you think the judge will be hard on me?” asked an offender who was waiting for that tardy al to return to his bench. “I don’t know,” said the court clerk “He told me he was going to have some roast pork for lunch, and roast pork al ways disagrees with him.”—Birmingham tge- Herald. Gross Ignorance—A Pittsburgh law- yer was conducting a case in court not long ago and one of the witnesses, a burly negro, confessed that at the time of his arrest he was engaged ina crap game. Immediately the lawyer said, “ Now, sir, I want you to tell the jury just how you deal craps.” “Wass dat?" asked the witness, rolling his eyes. “ Address the jury, sir,” thundered the and tell them just how you deal Lemme outen heah!” cried the wit- ness uneasily. ‘Fust thing I know this gem-man gwine to ask me how to drink a sandwich.” —Boston Transcript. Strategy—“ That millionaire who was sued for breach of promise is no fool.” “ How is that?” “He hired a lady lawyer to defend him who was better looking than the fair plaintiff."—Birmingham Age- Herald Geared LO 4 4 4 “Who FRIGHTENED YOUR HORSE? “Wett, you sei holm.) | L ONCE WAS A CHAUFFEUR, AND WITHOUT THINKI GASOLINE INSTEAD OF WATER. NoW THERE'S NO STOPPING THE BRUTE Backward from Futurism “Do you KNOW WHAT HAS BECOME OF Meyrowrrz?” “Meyrowirz? Ou, we wen PAINTS NORMAL PICTURES AGAIN C ft (Berlin). MAD AND -Lustige Mutual Admiration—“ Well, so you have won your dirty lawsuit.” “Yes. Lalways said that there was no other scamp of a lawyer so smart as you.” —Der Brummer (Berlin). Disagreed — Church —The learned judge on the bench looks sick. I guess something has disagreed with him. Gotham—You're right. It was the jury.—Yonkers Statesman. Beverages—Stipendary Plowden was once discussing beverages with a fellow club member, “Have you ever tried gin and ginger beer?” asked the young fellow. “No,” replied Mr. Plowden, “but I’ve a lot of folks who have.”—London Telegraph. to the Gallon b THE HORSE Kasper (Stock- 16 Translation—" You're no good and you're fired,” said the business mana ger. “Is that a statement ex cathedra?” asked the haughty young college clerk. “No, it ain't,” snapped the business manager; “it comes straight from the —Baltimore American, boss. Getting Even—"I'll ring for Norah to bring a fresh pitcher of water,” said the professor's wife. “You doubtless mean a pitcher of fresh water,” corrected her husband. “T wish you would pay more attention to your rhetoric; your mistakes are curious.”” Ten minutes later the professor said: “That picture would show to better ad- vantage if you were to hang it over the clock.” “You doubtless mean above the clock,” she retorted quietly. “If we were to hang it over the clock we couldn't tell the time. I wish you would be more careful with your rhetoric, my dear; your mi takes are curious.” —Jndianapclis Concerning Altitude—“We had to leave,” said Mrs. Clinchpenn: my husband couldn't stanc altitude. “Oh,” imperiously returned Mrs Scattercoin, “our folks woulda stayed, no matter how much it cost.” —Voungste Telegram. “because the high Defined—“ What does it mean by ‘being candid,’ pa?” “Speaking unto others as you would not like them to speak to you.” —Boston Transcript. Case of Necessity—"A friend in need is a friend indeed, ” smilingly said the pawnbroker as he reached for a client's timepiece. “I'm no friend of yours, Scrooge,” said the needy one. “Mebbe not,” chuckled the other, “but the fact remains that you're putting up with me.” —Buffalo Express. Depends on the Point of View— “Father, what is the difference be tween visit and visitation?” “Well, Sammy, when we go to grand- ma’s it’s a visit, but when grandma comes to see us it’s a visitation.” —Boston Globe,