Judge — October 9, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

No Monkey Glands in His “AND HE DIED SO YOUNG “Or course. (Paris). CQURIM You SEE, WE Speaking of Matches—“I must be going, dear,"’ came from the man on the sofa, in the darkened room. “Really?” yawned the sweet young thing. “Do you mind if I strike a match to see what time it is?"” Why waste another match? The clock just struck one Yonkers States- man. His Thought— that your bride's father?” t’s her uncle, from whom she had expectations. He is ninety years old and still doesn’t think about dying. “What does he think of, then?” Marriage! He has just told me so.” iegende Blaetter (Munich). Greatest Ever—The suitor had stated his case in a few halting sentences. “But have you achieved any success in life?” asked the adored one’s father. “Oh, boy! Have 1?” blurted the happy youth. “Why, didn’t I make it clear to you that your daughter has promised to be my wife?""—Buffalo Express. No Cause for Alarm—* You ought to have seen Mr. Marshall when he called on Dolly the other night,” remarked Johnny to his sister’s young man, who was taking tea with the family, “I tell you he looked FOLLOWED A SYSTEM FOR PREVENTING OLD AGE.” Le Rire fine a-setting there alongside of her with his arm—” “Johnny!” gasped his s the color of a boiled lobster. “Well, so he did,” persisted Johnny. “He had his arm—”" “John,” screamed his mother franti- cally. “Why,” whined the boy. “I was—" “John,” said his father sternly, “leave the room.” And Johnny left, crying as he went: “T was only going to say that he had his army clothes on!"—New York Central Magazine. ster, her face Right Idea—An_ Evansville young man, whenever out of the city, instead of writing to his best girl, sends her every few days a box of candy. She is delighted with his plan and boasts of it to her girl friends who straightway hint to their admirers to do the same. One of the admirers went to the first- named young man on his return from one of these trips and made complaint of this habit of his. “The other girls are expecting us fellows to do it, too,” said. ‘We can’t see why you do it. e and—" admitted the candy sender, expensive, but it’s mighty safe. Candy could never tell tales in a breach of promise suit.""—Jndiana polis News. The It's One Way—“‘I should like to see that play. I must quarrel with my young man. Whenever I do that he always buys me a theatre ticket.""— Alods Hans (Copenhagen). 18 A Building Boom—Redd—Do you think all these automobiles running through a town help it any? Green—Oh, yes, indeed. “How do they help the town?” “Why, man, we're building four new hospitals and eight dispensaries in our town right now!"”—VYonkers Statesman. Only a Snack!—Aiter a frugal little lunch in a country hotel the millionaire, who was touring the country in his 60- horsepower car, called for his bill. Yes, sir,” replied the waiter promptly, “Four sandwiches and a glass of cider, you had, sir. That will be—” “Wait a minute!” interrupted the motorist. ‘ There’s my chauffeur some- where. What has he had?” Yh, I know about him, sir,” re- plied the waiter. “He says he’s just had a snack—an_ omelette, grilled trout, lamb cutlets and peas, iced coffee, a half-crown cigar and bot- tle of claret, sir." —London Answers. The Perfect State BECAUSE r I pox’t WANT TO work, I DON'T HAVE TO, AND IF You DO WORK, I'M FREE TO BREAK YOUR HEAD, AND NOBODY'LL SAY A WORD.” —420 (Florence). comicbooks.com