Judge — August 21, 1920 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draven by BauxsoaLe Roses ATTEND YOUR LUNCHEON, DEAR, BECAUSE ED RAINING AN HOUR BEFORE LUNCHEON THAT TiMe | HAD MADE UP MY Susan—I covipn't Mae—But 11 stoi Susan—Yes, pur by who mislays the password shall be taken out in the room where the mop and the regalia are kept and properly instructed. Dues All dues shall be paid from money actually gypped from the public, not from excessive profits and such, but actually gypped Member hip Only those who are genuine dyed-in-the-wool profiteers are cligible. Second-story workers, stick-up men and safe-crackers need not apply; only professionals can belong The Perfect Landlord By AH. HERE is a little landlord, so thoughtful and so kind, He says to every tenant in the Spring: “L trust you'll keep me posted as to what is on your mind Just ask, old dear, for almost anyt hing. Fouwerut “Is the plumbing as you'd have it? Don’t you want a later style? Would a shower-bath increase your comfort any?” He asks them so politely, and with such a winning smile, That his tenants let him spend a pretty penny. He inquires, “Are you weary of the paper on the wall? Don’t you think you'd like to have me change it for you? The dining-room, the parlors, too, the bedrooms, and the hall? Don’t hesitate to say so, I implore you! “Let me give you parquet-floorin g,” to a tenant he will sa “Tt really will afford me lots of pleasure. Just give the word, my boy, and we will make a start today; I'll send around a man to take the measure. And often will this landlord come and with his tenants sit, Suggesting little changes here and there; They ask him, “Would you mind if—” And he answers, “Not a bit; Your comfort is my sole and only care.” Oh, whereabouts, I hear the wail, is such a landlord found? Suspense is fierce, and so I put you wise: His tenantry with golden harps and halos fly around; He owns a block of mansions in the skies. IT RAINED. TIME MIND NOT TO GO. Amen The street corner preacher was interrupted by a loafer on the outskirts of the audience, “What is Life?” demanded the heckler. “An swer that if you can. Ha, ha! What is Life?” “Life, sir,” replied the unperturbed preacher, “is something two misguided parents bestowed upon you for the affliction of mankind. Let us pray!” Movie Amenities “You never let your leading man and women clinch in the love sceres.” 0, they hate cach other clinch, they'll fight.” If they ever You Tell ‘Em Mrs, Nothing—Just think, when she reached home and opened her hat-box a mouse jumped out and ran up onto the piano. Mr, Nothing—That is really not extraordinary. Why, whe they opened the Convention at Chicago, some time ago, j wasn't long before a smooth dark horse popped out and gel loped away with a band-wegon. Advising Wifey “John, is it hot out today?” “Oh, very, d You'll need your heaviest furs.” Can You Blame Him? She—Harold, you've neglected to have your hair cut for ever so long. I don’t believe I ever saw it so long. He—Well, so long as you've noticed it, I guess I'll have it cut. So long Bul Breck Drawn by Brit Barrow NEVER TO HAVE BETTER TO HAVE DRESSED AND LOST, THAN DRESSED AT ALL.”