Judge — August 7, 1920 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sleeping by the Spoonful By Dorormy S. Watwortn N this day of scientific condensation, when we drink condensed milk and eat food capsules, and live in eight-by-ten apartments, how is it that we are so deliberate and so wholesale about sleep? Why not take ep by the spoonful or, better still, in capsule form? But there are objections. Obviously, we could not ep unscientifically any more And the capsules nt have a horrible favor. One can imagine that a concentrated hour's sleep might taste like a nightmare. Or, if the capsules tasted too we'l the weaker among us might become capsule fiends. With the increasing de- mand some profiteer would corner all the capsules on the market. And where would the poor man be? The rich man might be able to afford his cight hours’ sleep, but the poor man could have perhaps only a paltry half hour We can conjure up pathetic pictures of nine families living in one room with one capsule between them to last a week. “Mummy, let me chew the capsule for a while cries the youngest, a curly-headed tot, with coal black circles under his eyes The mother smiles bitterly. She cannot give her children all the sleep they need, work her fingers to the bone how she may. She shakes her head sadly Trave Pa Ger ovt—anp stay our! Suitor—For ‘tne rove or Baccnus! Loox ovr ton sty ir rocket! by CW. Kaunas Mollified Parent—Say, wuy pipN’r yOU TELL ME IN THR FIRST PLACE YOU WERE A REGULAR FELLER! Draven by Note Couien Young man (apologetically to fat lady with whom he has. collided accidentally)—On, | sec your rvRvoN, MATAM. T pips’r ste you! 0, Bobbie.” she sobs, “we must save the rest of the capsule for poor father. He needs the \ eep more. And worse than this, in defiance of the Food and Drug Act, substitutes might flood the market with results more disastrous than wood alcohol or ripe olives. Think of the terrible night’s rest we might confidingly pay for. L only mention also the extreme inconvenience of keeping a supply of sleep on hand, especially on ert journeys or arctic explorations. But more than these personal discomforts, the whole fabric of our social system would be rev- olutioniz Hours of labor would be longer. Con- der how fabulously wealthy the Electric Light and Gas Companies. would become with our night work. Moreo we could never have the excuse of being too tired. We could never be ordered to the country for a rest. When our wife wanted us to go to the Browning Club and we said we were exhausted, she would simply reach us a capsule from the bottle on the mantel-piece. Moreover, nowadays in drivinga business bargain, weoften take vantage of our victim's weariness, particularly if we are a traveling salesman. But in the event of capsules, before we knew it, our victim would have secretly eaten one and be refreshed again. Trains, of course, would have no sleeping cars, but be all diners. Hotels also. For we would re- quire more meals. The H.C. L. would climb to the top of Mount Popocatepetl and stay. And what would we call that fourth (even fifth) meal in the night? Would it be a heavy meal or a light? Would we eat milk toast or blackberry pie? Our brain whirls. The problem of our domes ic animals is also perplexing. Obviously they would have to sleep in the old, savage way until enough experiments had been tried on guinea pigs. But the greatest objection to the capsu’e is yet unsaid. It would deprive us of that withdrawal from the world which old-fashioned sleep occasions 4 a comicbooks.com