Judge, 1920-08-07 · page 7 of 36
Judge — August 7, 1920 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Satire: "Prohibition Run Amok" This is a satirical story about the unintended consequences of Prohibition (the constitutional ban on alcohol, 1920-1933). The narrator meets a character named Bildad, a self-righteous prohibitionist who has expanded his crusade beyond alcohol to absurd extremes—prohibiting letters of the alphabet simply because he personally doesn't use them (G, B, C, D, F, etc.). The satire mocks the prohibition movement's overreach and zealotry. Bildad represents prohibitionists who, having achieved their primary goal, become drunk on power and arbitrarily restrict others' freedoms under the guise of moral protection. The narrator—a fiction writer—faces ruin because his profession requires the prohibited letters. The cartoons illustrate this absurdist logic: one shows Bildad presenting his scheme to authorities; another depicts the cascading chaos of letters being prohibited. The joke critiques how prohibition movements, once empowered, inevitably expand beyond their original justifications, threatening basic freedoms and practical necessity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
prohibited, but tat looked like too big a job for me to tackle right then. SoT picked on G. I picked on G, seein’ I wasn’t usin’? G much myself. That's the first rule in this prohibi- tion business: prohibit somethin’ you don’t want to use yourself but that somebody else wants to use.” “And you got G prohibited?” 1 asked. “You bet I did!” boasted Bildad. Phere was a few that howled that folks ought to be allowed pussonal liberty to use G or not to use it, but we trompled right over them. We prohibited G. And then we went for B. We got B prohibited, too. We've got fifteen of the alphabet letters prohibited now —B-C-D-F-G-J-K-P-Q-S-V-W-S-Y and Z.” T had jotted th down as Bildad named them AAS to i Suddenly a great idea came to me. eee : > ‘ “T have it!” I cried cagerly. “I know what I Drawn by RB. Fouien shall do, Bildad! If what you say is true there are c Hetto, Joxes! Five 1oot-nouse you've stilleleven letters cor Tere. Witere’s Your New Hoste! of the alphabet not prohibited we done a good job, too. We prohibited printin’ presses — by amendments whilst we was about it.” to the Constitu- This news was quite a blow to me. Being a fiction writer 1 tionoftheUnited had counted on the press to supply me with an income for my — States—A-E-H- modest needs. As cousin Bildad went on telling of the splen- I-L-M-N-O-R- did work that had been done—how the libraries had been gutted T and U. There and the books all burned, how houses had been raided and the _ is my life work! old newspapers taken from under the carpets and off the pantry — From now on I shelves, and how every effort had been made to make the world work to have safe against reading—I became more and more disheartened. those letters “This is bad!” 1 said. “This isawful! How am 1 to make _ prohibited.” a living? Bildad, who “Well, I don’t want to nose into your affairs,” Bildad said, had looked up “but 1 don’t see what you can do unless you git right to work eagerly at my and start in at the job all the rest of us has took up. Sortof first words, look around for somethin’ that ain’t been prohibited yet and shook his head start a society to have it prohibited. There ain’t much left, sadly. but you might find somethin’ that ain’t been prohibited. Just “Tt can’t be now I’m workin’ to have an amendment to the Constitution did,” he said. passed prohibitin’ folks from sleepin’ on their kft sides. It “If them letters ain't good for the heart. It throws the hull weight of the body could be pro- on top of the heart, so to speak, and lowers vitality durin’ the _ hibited I'd have night. Result is that a pusson feels better when he gets out had them all of bed in the mornin’, and it ain’t right that a feller should feel prohibited _ be- better one time than another. He might as well takeacock- fore now. tail or a snifter or somethin’. There ain’t no “Bat, great Scctt!"’ I cried, “the whole world can’t exist chance to pro- by running socicties to prohibit the rest of the world from doing — hibit them le thing: ters. Them let “I'd like to know why they can’t,” said Bildad. “They ters is sacred. are.” Them letters is “And you mean to say that is what you have been needed to spell doing all these last years?” I asked. out the new re!” he said erybody’s been doin’ it. You ain’t motto of the been ‘round much, I guess. or you’d know it. Ain’t seen United — Prohi- Drawn by Ganoxen O. Res the medal I got for puttin’ through the Amendment to the — bited States of ‘ — hi San es I weax YouR New FIANCE 18 WONDER: Constitution prohibitin’ the use of the letter G—bigG and America. FULLY, comsclENTIOUS.” little g both? Sure I did. Lots of folks calls that Amcnd- “Whichis?” “ My DEAR, CONSCIENTIOUS 18 TOO MILD. Wuy, We EVEN TRIES TO FOLLOW THE PLOTS ment the Blootz Amendment, after me. I started in en it as I asked. ro OF THE MUSICAL COMEDIES printin’ was prohibited. ‘What “<“T am hol- scon as printin’ presses and is sricam ; ; the use of the alphabet?’ I said to myself:‘ What's the u: ier than thou,’” Ed Note—The artist tried to persuade pap iaeanpieen ‘ : reac us that this is what the girls were talking about ot it if printin’ is prohibited? It only incites folks to law- said Cousin 4¢ they took the seven-foot hedge, but we are breakin’, So my first notion was to git the hull alphabet — Bildad. still a little bit sceptical. bs