Judge — July 17, 1920 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

July 17, 1920 SN OPPY-QUOPS Rhymes by Wittiam C. Titcoms. Drawings by Frev S. Murray. Hoofo, the Happy Polyped I REALLY wonder how ’twould feel To have one’s feet fixed like a wheel. As long as shoes cost what they do I would not be this guy, would you? The bootblacks register delight Whenever Hoofo heaves in sight. “Tis well fore-handed for to be But four-foot stuff I cannot see. Although he has a one-track mind A genial soul he is and kind. a When things are at their Very Worst He always puts his best foot first. Although his clothes are mostly pants He dearly loves the Modern Dance. He shakes when all his joints are greased. A Wicked Foot, to say the least. (Reversing, though, gives him hysteria Because he kicks his —er—posterior.) Rare sport it must be I'll be bound To stand and watch his heels go round. Stand Up! Darn Yer! By Joun G. Cotttns "THERE are more fat men in the world than ever. They are caused by the low cost of sitting. We've been sitting ever since the time of Sitting Bull. Habies sit on their mothers laps. Boys sit at school; also when they go to college. Later they sit in offices or at machines. They start the day by sittihg at breakfast. ‘They stop work at noon to go and sit at lunch. ‘They return to work and sit again. ‘They sit on their way home and sit at dinner. Thent hey sit and read the newspaper. The One-Horse Man-About-Town ‘THE happy tenant pictured here Has foiled the grasping Profiteer. In this arrangement we may find A Parlor and a Bath combined, (Although a Sitting-room might be A more expressive simile); Besides a House-boat and a Bar, A Saddle-horse and Trolley-car. Our modern life is so complex For Snoppies of the sterner sex! He only has to say Giddap For running water off the tap. To see him as he now is posed The plumbing might be called exposed. The way he acts upon the street Ycu’d think it was his private suite! Quite irrespective of location He’s sure of perfect ventilation. He sometimes ventures after dark Te take a canter in the park— A bareback rider one might say, One prone, that is, to jest that way. A simple child of Nature he’s Above such things as B.V.D's. But if his neighbors seem to mind He moves off somewhere less refined. Although for this not all would care It keeps One in the Open Air. Exclusive, distingué and chic, He’s likely to remain unique. Those at the sweetheart stage go to see girls and sit on sofas. When not sitting on sofas they’re sitting on rustic benches. At other times they sit on beaches and in row- boats. Many spend their time later in sitting in di- vorce courts. Many of the feminine gender sit on hotel porches. And while there they sit in judgment on others. Even the Supreme Court does its great work sitting. o Some of our best judges are champion long-dis- tance sitters. They have been known to sit on a case so long that it was crushed out of its original shape. 2 Oscar and Ambrose ‘THE Snoppy-quops are always keen On every passing fad, To get in Touch with the Unseen They now are simply mad. A proper one they can’t afford, So Oscar forms the Ouija-board. The good soul has a kindly heart And naturally just comes apart. Old Ambrose has him on the hip And works the planchette round. He cannot seem to get a tip, The spirits can’t be found, That scems an inauspicious omen. Beside it tickles his abdomen. He finds it dull to be a shelf— He’s really quite beside himself. He’s in such pain he would regain His former upright station, The Ouija flies as Oscar tries To get the combination. But still the spirits do not come— He must be a poor medium. Like many another simple soul He’s got the speed but no control. Doing things by halves we see, Can only lead to misery. Men who get the fattest salaries sit all day in arm-chairs. Both sexes sit for pleasure as well as work. Men sit at baseball games in the hot sun. Women sit at bridge games and alleged social. uplift clubs. At night they both sit together at some show. Yet while they sit this way through life, they stand for The high cost of theatre tickets food and politicians. Isn’t it about time for the country to get on its féet and stay there? 2