Judge — July 17, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

He—That’s a nice looking chap you just spoke to. Is he a friend of yours? She—Yes, indeed. He—We'll ask him to join us. Ske—Oh, this is so sudden! Didn't you know he’s the new minister?— Williams Pur- ple Coco, Hard Words Two simple words of English speech, I stammer—mumble, till I’m quite Exasperated—stumble over each; I scarcely can pronounce—“ Good night!” Some:men, perhaps, say it with ease, But when arms, rounded, soft, and white, Draw you quite close—say what you please, It’s mighty hard to say—“ Good night.” For when the pretty lips have clung And you have beld her rather tight— There’s something gripping at the tongue, Which makes it hard to say ‘Good night!” They're simple words—a chap can see The strain in saying should be light ; But queer as it may seem to be The hardest that I know—“ Good night!” —Yale Record. Touched “T feel like a hundred dollars.” “Lend me fifty.” —Penn. State Froth, The Old-Timers In days of old When men were bold, And shéet-iron trousers wore, They lived in peace For then a crease Would last five years or more. In those old days They had a craze For steel shirts, and they wore them. And there was bliss Enough in this— The laundry never tore them. —Williams Purple Cow. Impetuous Jerry Jerry wanted cocoa. His mother who knows best what a four-year-cld child should have, remonstrated: “No, Jerry; you have milk for breakfast and coco for lunch!” “Gimme lunch now, then!”— Kansas Ag. Brown Bull. A False Alarm Her garter broke—I heard it snap As we stood in the hall; I looked and waited patiently, But her stocking didn’t fall. —Pennsyleania Punch Bowl. “T was riding in a taxi with a negro driver one oak night, and we came to a corner—" “Yes “And he asked me to put out my hand.” —Harcard Lampoon. “ Has Betry any bad habits? "" “Only her riding-habit. It's positively wicked.” —Cornell Widow. Reuben’s Error Country Cousin (backing out of the ballroom) —I’m sorry for entering this apartment. His Cousin—Why, this is the ballroom. What did you think it was? Country Cousin—Good Lord! I thought it was the ladies’ dressing room.—Michigan Gar- goyle. Wholesale Confession “Patrick,” said the priest, “how much hay did you steal?” “Well, I may as well confess for the whole stack, your riverence,for it’s going back I am for the rest tonight.”—Mass. Tech. Voo Doo. The Prof’s Wheeze Prof.—You're not enough of a militarist. Stude—Why not, sir? Prof.—Every time I call on you, you’re un- prepared.—Brown Jug. Repartee Jennie—Dick didn’t blow his brains out when you rejected him. He came around and pro- posed to me. Jeanette—Well, he must have gotten rid ef them some other way, then.—Stanford Chaparral.