Judge — June 5, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Ornithological Note Why She Quit—Charwoman—Sorry to inform you, mum, as I shan’t be able to come no more. Lady—And why not, Mrs. Bouser? Charwoman—Can't afford it, mum. Me ‘usban’ says if I earns any more money 'e'll to pay income tax.— London Punch. Evidence—Afistress—Did you water the ferns in the drawing-room, Norah? Maid—Yes, mum. Don't you hear the water drippin’ on the carpet?— Dailas News. A Hindu Babu's Appeal—“ Most Hon. Sir, Understanding that are several hands wanted in your honour’s dept., I beg to offer my hand as to adjustment. 1 appeared for the Matric Exam. in Ooty, but failed, the reason for which I shall describe, to begin with my writing was illegible was due to climatic reason. Also, I beg to state that I am in very uncom- fortable circumstances being the soul means of support of my fond brother's seven issues consisting of three adults and four adultresses, the latter being bane of my existence owing to my ha ing to support two of my own well as their issues of which by misfortune the feminine gender predom- inates. If by wonderful good fortune the few lines meet with your benign kind- ness and favourable turn of mind, I the poor menial shall ever pray for the long life and prosperity of yourself as well as your honour’s posthumous olive branches, and I confidently hope that you will be pleased to grant my this humble request for which act of kindness I shall ever pray to God—a gentleman whom ur honour closely resembles.” —Nep- Rire (Paris). Penury Would Prevent—* tune teller heiress.”’ “Why, dear?” “She said I was to marry a poet and live happily ever afterward."’—Boston Transcript. hat for- have thought I was an A Costly Sneeze—* Well, that cer- tainly was the limit,” said the Customs Inspector “What now?” asked his friend. “Why, a woman tried to smug, some pearls in an elephant’s trunk And you examined the trunk?” we didn’t have to, The elephant sneezed at the psychological moment.”"— Yonkers Statesman. > in Yep—“We're all chasing after false gods,” remarked old Silas Snarl “Yep,” agreed Clem Jeter, “what time we ain’t chasing after false Barber County ( Kan.) Index. ddesses.""— He Knew—*I don’t see why you call your place a bungalow,” said Smith to his neighbor “Well, if it isn’t a bungalow, what is it?” said the neighbor. he job was a bungle. and I still owe for it!"—P. son's Weekly, Why He Might—“Do you think your tailor would give me credit for a new suit?” “Eh, does he know “No, he doesn’ “Oh, well, then, try him non Topics you, old man?” He might.” Civilian Clothes—The Comedian— What ever became of the pretty gitl from the country who used to look so well in the front row of the chorus? The Soubret—Her modesty got the best of her and she went back home. “ouldn’t stand the tights?” “Oh, she dic mind those so much but she drew the line at the fashionable clothes city girls wear in private life. Youngstown Telegram Drastic Remedy—“If you are af- flicted with insomnia go to Knockit.” “But he’s not a doctor; he’s a prize- fighter.” “That's all right He can put you to sleep.” —Baltimore American. comicbooks.com