Judge — May 15, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

——— ee eS eee The Ideal Habitation auffage central et pas de tice Tenant—You say there's a dinin Yes, and electricity, heat, and no janit Realism—* Have you ever met your ideal man?” simpered a young maiden. “LT met him two years ago,” returned the popular lady novelist. “And is he still your ideal man?” “By no means,” returned the novelist He’s my husband now."—Curas y Caretas (Buenos Ayres) The Interrupted Gardener—'' You don’t seem so enthusiastic about your gardening.” “It’s this way,” replied Mr. Cross: lots. “I like it, but I can’t keep my mind on it. It’s tantalizing to go on turning up fishing worms that aren't of use to anybody.”—Washington Star Discord Ahead—*This artist’ mar ried his lovely model, eh?” “Yes.” “And they are happy now?” “Lm afraid not. He has hired another model who’s even better looking than the he ma Birmingham Age Herald. Haw, Haw!—"You may not realize it,” said Mrs. Gabb, “but you are self- ish. You think only of your own com- fort. What have you ever done to save other men suffering and misery?” “What have I ever done?” growled Mr. Gabb “Huh! I married you, didn’t 1? uirer, Cincinnati Ex Cees PACT et coucher, une cuisine? conci 7 Ouch!—" My wife is an angel!” an- nounced the Newly Married M “How lorg has she been dead?” asked the Old Married Man.—Cincinnati En quirer. My husband is going to bring nice box of candy home this eve said Mrs. Younghubby. lo you know? Did he promise it to you?” asked Mrs. Naybor. “Oh, dear, no!” replied Mrs. Young. hubby. Sut we had a terrible quarrel this mornir Cincinnati Enquirer. Severe Test— Flatbush —Ever have the acoustic properties of your house tested? Bensonhurst — Why, of course. My wife is testing them every day Vonkers Statesman. Hard to Satisfy She Knew—The teacher had written 02.7 on the blackboard, and to show the effect of multiplying by 10 rubbed out the decimal point. She then turned to the and said: Now, Mary, where is the decimal point?” “On the duster, miss,” replied Mary, without hesitation. —Dallas News. class Clever Naney—Nancy was saying her prayers. *‘ And, please, God,’? she peti tioned, ‘make Boston the capital Vermont. “Why, Nancy!” exclaimed her shock: mother. “What made you say that? "Cause 1 made it that way on my and I want it gion Weekly f examination papers today 10 be right.”—American Ethel Was Wise—A_ncighborhoo! story down Lisbon way has to do. with a father who, one evening when his three small daughters were having too much fun jumping about and playing in their bed, went to the bottom of the stairs an threatened to spank them if they didn’t hecome quiet. The girls remained quiet for a few minutes, then the fun broke out again Miter this performance had been re peated several times the father went upstairs to carry out his promi Without taking the trouble to light « lamp the father administered three spank- ings and went back downstairs. Next morming the eldest of the girls complained bitterly. “I don’t see why you spanked me she said. “1 didn’t,” the father replied. “You surely did.” **How could that happen?’ “*After you spanked me the first tim Ethel flopped out under the bed an came in at the front and you missed her altogether.”"— Youngstown Telegram: Up-to-Date—"' Now, children,”” said the teacher, “I have two apples in my right hand and one in my left. How many apples have 1?” ** About a quarter’s worth,”’ bawled out ohnny.—Detroit Free Press In the Slums—Sunday School Teacher Why was St. Paul released from prison? Muggsey—'Cos his time was up.—Cin- cinnati Enquirer