Judge — May 1, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Quite Blasé—“Did those classic dancers at the opera house last night scandalize Chiggersville?” “Nope,” replied Squire Witherbee “We ain’t as pokey about here as some people seem to think. Our leading citi- zens go up to New York once a year regular an’ take in all th’ gal shows. When it comes to shock absorbers, Chiggersville is about as well equipped as any town of its size in the country.""— Birmingham Age- Herald. Tough Job—"I don’t think I'd like to be a portrait painter.” “Why not?” “You're in bad if you don’t get a likeness, and in worse if you do.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. Of the Same Mind—* This picture,” said Mr. Gawker. “Was painted in a garret,”’ replied the proud owner. “Well! Well!” “A hundred thousand wouldn't buy it 2” said Mr. Gawker, eyeing the masterpiece more closely. ‘And I’m one of the hundred thousand.”—Birmingham Age- Herald, He Knew Magistrate (to accused, pleading that he thought the house he entere midnight was his own)—Then why, when you came face to face with the m * Ga seraiteil que cous re “Non, de la douche, j'ai été payer mes cone tributions.” “Have you been bathir “No, pay (France). La Baionetie Not Surprising—*I think the picture lacks atmosphere,” said the kindly critic, “Fact is,” explained the artist, “I had a hard time raising the wind while I was painting it.”—Boston Transcript. Worth Investigating—“So Bigby’s going back to France on a secret mis- sion?” “Yes. Confidentially, though, he’s going to try to find out what a French- man uses in a cigarette in place of tobacco.”—The Home Sector. His Danger did you jump out of the window and run to hide yourself? Aecused—I thought it was my wife.—Blighty (London). by the door after tress of the house, Lost Flesh—"“Well, Brown, how ill you look! What’s the matter?” “Oh, nothing much; losing weight, that’s all. Lost a hundred and thirty pounds of flesh in one day.” “Impossible!” “Fact, I assure you. My wife has cloped with the next door neighbor!’ The Doctor, Old Friend Turns Up—“It scems to me I have already heard some of the stories told by this monologist.” “Perhaps you have.” “Yes?” “He's a retired bartender who has gone into vaudeville.”"—Birmingham A ge- Herald. Why He Was Late—Teacher—How is it that you’re so late, Tommy? Tommy—'Cause there was a man pinched for stealin’ hens and setting a house on fire, an’ knockin’ down five policemen, an’ mither sent me roon to sce if it was faither.—London Blighty. She Knew—“A Kansas man says he has produced a ‘bugless potato’ by cross- ing the potato vine with a weed that the potato beetle doesn’t like,” read the old farmer from the paper in front of him, pecring through the cloud of smoke which came from his com-cob pipe. “Well, from my point of view,” replied his wife with her hand to her nose, “it isn't unreasonable to suppose that the weed referred to is tobacco.” — Yonkers Statesman. Great Invention—K nicker—So Smith invented a labor-saving machine? Bocker—Yes, when it won't work it saves the striking of ten men.— New York Sun. The Oftense—The Pugnacious Genth- man—But ’e bin an’ called me a“ ’Un.”” The Pcacemaker—Well, he may have meant it quite kindly like, Bill. It ain’t as if we was still at war with the dirty ‘ounds.—London Punch. Helped Some—Ycast—You know any piece of machinery is helped by resting. Crimsonbeak—1 guess you're right. I've noticed that my watch runs better after I’ve got it out of hock.—Yonkers Statesman