Judge — April 24, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Hopeful Disposition——"I have just discovered the boss optimist of the universe,” remarked Mr. Dubwaite “What do you mean?” asked Mr Twobble. “Here’s his name and address in this newspaper. He offers a reward of $500 for the recovery of $1000 worth of liquor stolen from his garage.”—Rirmingham Age- Herald Mind's Clear—"Has prohibition made much of a change in Mr. Jagsby?” “Decidedly.” ‘In what respect?" “For one thing, he can frequently re member where he spent the evening,” Birmingham Age- Herald The Final Argument—“ Colonel, thought you said you'd never swear “Liquor has gone.” “But there are plenty of home brews and decoctions.” “Yes, they are what convinced me I'd better swear off."—-Louisville Courier Journal. Revenge!—The enraged mob had torn the clothes off the poor wretch. ‘Then the mob tarred and feathered him, placed A Simple Tryout Customer—Are you good at your work? | am very particular about the way my hair s cut, Village Barber—Well, Vm ex skilful, but if you fike, I'll do « head first, so you can see for Rrummer (Ber e side of your varself.—Der 4 rope around his neck, and dragged him through the streets. Then the rope was thrown over an arm of a telegraph pole and the victim was hoisted high in the air and left to hang there. “What did this fellow do?” we asked 4 member of the mob. “Do?” yelled the member of the mob “What did he do? Why, he’s the man who invented rebeer!—Cincinnati Enquirer Her Situation “Tiens, ay! There's something emble qu’ily a quelque chose d mighty interesting « Stl Afraid—"‘Have you any last request to make?” “Yes. Ask the minister who preaches my funeral sermon not to say Iam better of.” “But you will be better off,” “T know it, but my wife will think I told him to say so."”—- Houston Chronicle Can't Be Solved— hey can’t live together and they can’t live apart. “Umph! What's the solution of a problem like that?” “Chloroform, but, confound the luck, it’s against the law.”’—Birmingham Age Herald. No Buttons—-Mrs. Flaibush—Well, | declare! Mr, Flathush—What’s wrong now, dear? “I just wonder where all the safety- pins go I bring into this house?” “Why, I must contrive some wa keep my galluses attached to my pants, dear!"— Yonkers Statesman Object’ Attained—‘What did you marry him for?” “His money.” “What de “T've got it” vu want a divorce for?” Houston Chronicle. A Drawn Battle—'When you mar- ried me, madam, you promised to obey me and you've never done it.” And when you married me, sir, you promised to endow me with all your worldly goods, and you haven't got any.” Baltimore American Out of the Frying Pan—‘Has your present wife a more even temper than your first had?” “More even? No, Boston Transcript even more.” After Marriage—John D. Rocke feller, Jr, said in a discussion of the divorce evil So many men are like Dr. Cutler Doctor,’ I said to him one day, ‘how is it 1 never see you any more at the theater or restaurant with your former sweetheart, Miss Amanda?’ “Oh, Amanda’s married now,’ said Dr. Cutler. “"Indeed!’ said 1. *To whom?’ ‘0 me,’ said Dr. Cutler.”"— Pitts bureh Chronice-Telegraph. : comicbooks.com