Judge — April 24, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown by Henan Pasties Digest of Fast Company—“ What has become of the Biltons, who were said to be the richest people in town?” “They’ve gone to New York.” “Yes?” “Where they'll be lucky if their little quarter of a million permits them to fol- low the pace set by bootblacks, bellhops and check-room pirates.” —Birmingham Age- Herald. The Easiest—‘‘ What is the best way of getting hard cash?” “Working some soft thing.” —Balti- more American, It Didn't Work—Bucon—Did you ever hear of touching a hunchback for luck? I ‘touched’ one today, but he wouldn't lend me a cent.””—Vonkers Statesman. Enough to Make One Sick ’s the matter, old top? You look I've just undergone a serious opera tion.” “ Appendicitis?” “Worse than that. I had my allow ance cut off.”—Portland Express. Granted—“ A party of uplifters to sec you, sir,” announced the private secre tary. “They are after money, I presume?” said Mr. Grabcoin. “T suspect so, sir. But they said they came to ask for your moral support.” “Aht Gladly given to any worthy the World’s Humor Aqua Booba ¢ bite. je pars avec Pintention de faire une aquarelle—ct jroublie d’em porter de Leau!” low stupid of me! 1 want to make a ter color—and ere I've forgotten to pany water!—La Raionnctte (Paris). cause. I'll just scribble ‘Good tuck on one of my cards. Then you take it out to the ladies and gentlemen and wish them ‘Good day.""—Birmingham Age- Herald, Romance Shattered—Mrs. Hem- mandhaw—1 was disappointed this after- noon, Hemmandhaw—How? “Just as I came up behind two girls one of them was saying ‘and he squeezed, and squeezed and squeezed—" “Ah!” “ And while I was passing she said “6 And squeezed and squeezed, but try as he might, he couldn't save a cent out of thirty dollars a week."”"—Voungstoen Telegram, wv Revenged—“I married my first hus- band for money and my second for lov Then you are happy, I suppose? Not very. You see my first husband married me for love and my second for money." Portland Express. The Little Dears!—Ldith—Dear Jack is so forgetful. Maud—Isn't he! At the party last night I had to keep reminding him that it’s you he’s engaged to and not me— London Answers, Knew Her Age—The Bride (coyly)—My only regret is about mother, She’s bound to miss me terribly, Her Friend (coldly)—Ah, well, she can’t complain. After all, she’s had you with her longer than most mothers keep their daughters.—London Answers Her Meaning—‘I heard that pretty little woman say the other day that she was going to do her best to make her Billy's life perfectly happy. She must be very much in love with her husband,” Phat wasn’t her husband she was talking about; it was her pet poodle.” Baltimore American, The Only Way— Me—So you wouldn't marry the best man living. She—Well, not unless I was sure it would make a better man of him.— Pitts hurgh Dispatch. Looks—Siyles—Don't you think the short skirts the girls are wearing nuke ‘em look shorter? Myles—Maybe; but they make the men look longer.—Vonkers Statesman, comicbooks.com