Judge, 1920-04-10 · page 16 of 36
Judge — April 10, 1920 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous sketches satirizing post-WWI American life: **"The Sad Golf Nut"**: A man obsessed with golf visits his doctor seeking medical excuses to justify poor play. The joke is his disappointment when declared perfectly healthy—he wanted a legitimate reason for his golf troubles, not actual wellness. **"Enlisted"**: A recruit asks about promotion prospects; the officer jokes he'll hear reveille at 5:30 AM "every daylight"—a pun on "rise" (promotion vs. waking). **"A Perfect Linguist"**: A returning soldier claims fluency in French, but admits he only learned practical phrases: greetings, food orders, borrowing money, and romantic lines. The satire mocks soldiers' limited actual language acquisition despite wartime exposure. **"A Real Calamity" and "Army Channels"**: Two pieces about military bureaucratic inefficiency—soldiers receiving mail from girlfriends who've married others, and a clerk's typo ("Ca K" instead of the soldier's name) delaying pay for six months. These satirize Army administrative incompetence affecting servicemen's lives and finances.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a eee alee os oe “Will sir?” Pertinent Query come and make a four at bri¢ “I'm exceedingly sorry, sir, but I don’t you play bridge.” “You don't play bridge, sir? what the devil did you jo London Tatler Then 4 golf club for?” The Sad Golf Nut—The golf bug has vsad face. He is plainly out of sorts Something is the matter with him. He t's office thorough nd has just come from the doc undergone a where he — has physical examination. — He depressed, but not from what the doc- found, but from what he is sore refused to re all right,” said the learned physician, “You are as sound as a nut.’ That was a little joke the golf bug did not enjoy “Are you sure that [am in first class condition?” he asked “Absolutely.” “Is my blood pressure normal?” Perfect.” “Heart regular?” “Heart O. K.” “Lungs chear?” As a bell.” “Liver in good working order?” Splendid “Kidneys Yes” No trace ¢ functioning properly?” Not a bit ‘Am [on not bordering breakdown? “See no indi I'm sorr Sorry. I though good excuse winter wit y nan, What for?” ht surely for me you" d dig to go south for the nervous » some Now I'll have to be honest and say that I'm going to Pinehurst, N.C simply beea use IT want Detroit Free Press. to play golf.” Scaling the Height of Impudence “Lend me “LT have “Well, then let m c fifty! ly forty!” arp Enlisted —“Your wages will be $ a month,” said the recruiting officer to the prospective gob. “WHT have a chance to rise the would-be “Ce nly.” was the hear reveille every Irklight * asked “You'll reply morning at A Perfect: Linguist “And so you learned French thoroughly while over there, son?” said the proud father of the returned soldier “Sure 1 got se TF could say ‘Hello snd “Good night’ and order ham and eggs, and I could ask a fellow to lend me money and tell a girl J loved her better’n anything, and that’s all a fellow needs in any language.” hmond Times: Dis pach ON Real Calam Argonne. A re cers from Dixie who had been inducted into the service had just received a bateh of mail, But neither Jefferson Madison Monruc nor his particular side-kick, Washington Jones, was manifesting any great elation. In fact. they both looked decidedly in the dumps “Wash,” mourned Jefferson, “I'se the hard luckin’est nigger what was ever. I ¢ just got a letter from mah gal and she’s gone and and other.” “Oh, man, man!” wailed Wash, “You don’t know what hard luck am. Me, 1 just gota letter from the drat? board what says I'm Home Sector went married an. exempt!” —The Army Channels I stood in the pay-formation (Twas down near old Bordeaux) — And L wondered why: Army channels, Were so devilish all-fired slow, For six long months I'd waited, With never a bit of pay, "Cause the clerk in writing out my name. Had made a Ca Kk. 1 mused in the brig at midnight— (Twas down near old Bordeaux) And T knew that Army channels Could be I'd been on a six-day furlough, Returned a week too late, And it took ‘em just ten minutes To decide upon my fate. —The Home last as well as slow. Sector, comicbooks.com