Judge — March 27, 1920 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

March 27, 1920 Orawa by EB, W. Keane Said the onion to the tater, “Way these tears? Quota the tater, “Y Guers my eyes have spruag a leek. Would Anderson Objectr By Crem B, Ecan ONE is the occupation of the genial mixeiv- gist—gone tne glittering glory of his mirror-backed bar. His froth-levelers, his cork- screws, and his cocktail shakers lie mouldering in the ash-heap. The nebby diamond pin, which once shed ridiance over his cravat, reposes in the windov of a hock-shop; his white coat *s sported by a garruious barber; and the white apron, that quintessentia! of the insignia of his trade, today begirds the bloody corpulence of a butcher. The question arises, now the great drought is come, what place is the Bartendez to ke in the new and drearily Saharid schere of things? In answer to which question, we humbly offer a suggestion. Are you a busy man? Do you live in a con- tinual stew over the thousand and one difficul- tics of business down-town? Are you so taken up with mulling these matters over that you ve no time for the million and two difficulties your family presents? Then hire an ex-bartender, and let him man- your family. Make of him a Confi- a Spirituous Advisor; a Minister of the nterior; an Ambassador Extraordinary to the Wife. The barkeep, you must remember, has a large knowledge of human nature. He can handle—for he has handled—difficult people. You will find him a soothing, comforting sort of person to have round the house. EGYPTIAN DEITIES ‘The Utmost in Cigarettes’ Plain End or Cork Tip. People of culture and refinement invanably PREFER “Deities to any other cigarette. 30+ S-ANARGYROS A Compowation As Confidant, he will Le a sympathetic and close-mouthed repository for your secrets. Ambassador Extraordinary to the Wife, he will inform her of your unavoidable delay at the office with all the delicacy and display of vraisemblance that the case demands. He has heard all the alibis, and knows the best ones. As Minister of the Interior, he will sort out your daughter’s suitors, separating the fatuous young sofa-snipes from the earnest young home-builders. In this capacity also, he will manage that harum-scarum, owl-emulous son of yours. He knows this animal! especially well. irituous Advisor, he will learn of your deeper wants, and he may, for an extra consider- ation, be persuaded to attend to them out of the plentcous store of liquid diamonds which he was prudent enough to stow away before the great Liquor-Lack. And, besides, he will have a way with the Cook. What more could one want? The Maeterlinckian Blue Bird is but the sym- Drawn by Menwitt De Manis * Barber—A little tonic, sir? Col. DeCantor (coming to)—Thanks, about fingers. three bel, Pollyanna the figment of a novelist’s == imagination—the concrete expression of O-be- Gladsomenes,s is the Bartender. Shake Into Your Shoes Sprinkle in the Foot Bath ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE The Antiseptic, Healing Powder for the Feet, for Tired, Aching, Swollen, Tender Feet, Corns, Bunions, Blisters, Callouses. It fresiiens the feet and makes walk- ing a delight. 1,500,000 pounds of powder for the feet were used by our army and navy during the wat. Ask for Allen's Foot-Ease. Sold everywhere. Have you a little Bartender in your Home? Lf not, why not?— A Bartender for Happiness! A Job Delegated Howard—Does Coward ever tell his wife just how horrid she is? Jay—No, he hires cooks to do it for him. Hooked Male Teacher—Don’t you think we ought to form a Union? Female Teacher—Oh, this is so sudden comicbooks.com